(while walking thru an outdoor shopping center)
Popcorn Vendor (calling out): Free samples, if you’d like to taste!
Tessa: Did he just say “Free samples, for Christ’s sake.” ?
Max: I don’t think so.
Sean:: But that’d be a unique way to sell popcorn. Invoking the name of Jesus Christ.
Alex: Hey Billy, can I take a peek at your iron monkey?
(while reaching for some brie at a holiday party, his arm precariously close to being burned)
Alex: uh oh. I don’t think I should be cutting the cheese over these candles.
tessardiva: i’m typing with wet nails
wittymusketeer: use your toes
tessardiva: im doing ok thank you
tessardiva: its a challenge
wittymusketeer: landing on the moon is a challenge, typing with wet fingernails is a byproduct of the commercialization of beauty
wittymusketeer: i’ve been watching to much daria
“My turtle ran away!” – a very sad story from the mouth of a distraught college student.
Dawn: there’s a river running in the grass outside my backdoor
Jen: they might have to sandbag your porch. they do that some years there.
Dawn: darn 1st floor apartment
Jen: a river runs through it.
Dawn: unless Brad Pitt is in that river, i don’t want it in my apartment.
“Atheist? So that’s better than Catholic right?” -said to me by my roomate.
Lora: Hell Yeah! Free Porn
(most of us had recently seen the new movie ‘The Ring’)
lopaka: …7 days…
sean: cleaning a broom closet takes…7 days
jen: dissolving a body in acid takes…7 days
lopaka: 1 week is … 7 days
jen: 7 hours at work feels like…7 days
sean: the common cold can last…for 7 days
jen: lopaka, what really happens in 7 days?
sean: lopaka has not had a bowel movement..in 7 days
jen: TMI alert!
steve: I wanna be Superman for Christmas.
Billy: What are you doing?
Lora: nothing…the Koreans are here
stephenmhock: what would have happened if MC Hammer had really liked water?
Auto response from Narfa5: shower time.
Billy: What kind of a world is it when a man will get arrested for backhanding a woman, but a woman will not get arrested for flicking a man in the balls.
jess: i’m enjoying this slurpee on a whole new level that slurpees shouldn’t be enjoyed on!
on her day at work:
Jen: I frolick in a sea of bastard retards.
sean: yup. hockey is on
alex: yea, hockey is where it’s at
sean: hockey is da place
alex: hockey in ya face
sean: hockey – it’s a pants thing
alex: hockey – not just for cows anymore
sean: hockey – 4 out of 5 dentists agree, it’s greeeeaaat!
alex: it would take 10 games of monopoly to equal the amount of hotels you can build in just one game of hockey!
alex: women have one period a month, hockey has three in a night!
sean: we’ve replaced alex’s golf with hockey, let’s see if he notices the difference..
sean: when your wife leaves you, your truck breaks down, and your dog dies, turn to hockey. country music will only depress you
alex: do sports really have the ability to hurt, mame, and kill you? sports do. -hockey
sean: H E Double Hockey Sticks. Hockey, the choice of sport for the underworld
alex: hockey: play it, you pussy
sean: hockey: if you’re not bleeding and bruised, you’re not playing it right
alex: hockey: teeth optional
sean: this isn’t your mom’s hockey
alex: hockey: it’s like soccer, but fun.
sean: hockey: it’s like sex, but with more padding and a mouthguard. and slightly less penetration
alex: on the road of life there is opera, and there is hockey. opera sucks
sean: i came here to chew bubblegum and play hockey. and i’m all outta bubblegum
alex: if you like to crush the competition, work in a team, go for the gold, and play to win: join the rowing team. if you like to fight: play hockey
sean: chickens have no lips, worms have no arms, and football players have no necks. stop thinking about body parts and pick up your god damned hockey stick already
sean: hockey: i ain’t wearin’ this cup because it’s fashionable
alex: hockey: big gloves, big skates, big sticks… you figure it out
alex: in the game of life you can be anything you want to be. but wouldn’t you just rather play hockey?
sean: hockey: when we’re not making lists, we’re kicking your asses
alexatitp: laser tag bazooka?
DEM0NH00D: hehe, that’s just nuts
alexatitp: laser tag nerve gas
alexatitp: laser tag demoralizing propoganda…
DEM0NH00D: laser tag barbed wire
DEM0NH00D: laser tag suicide pill
alexatitp: laser tag wartime brothel
DEM0NH00D: laser tag VD
alexatitp: laser tag pine box / battleship sea burial kit
DEM0NH00D: laser tag insignia wrapped over coffin
alexatitp: laser tag powered automobiles
DEM0NH00D: laser tag gatorade flavor
alexatitp: laser tag news night with laser winning anchor, laser tag johnson
DEM0NH00D: laser tag: invisible beams of pleasure. starring Jenna Jameson
Driving downtown in the morning. Two leaves are stuck between the car hood and the windshield. They flap in the wind.
Alex: See the little leaves. They dance in the breeze, like children.
Jen: That was beautiful.
Alex: I HATE THEM! I WISH THEY WOULD GO AWAY AND DIE!
(while discussing what font to use on ICQ)
Jessica: verdana? looks like Arial. everything looks like Arial. Arial is like the chicken of fonts.
Steve H. : Sgt. Dickerheimer just picked Matt up.
Jen: Tell me that’s not really his name.
Steve: Nah, its Hollinger or something. But I liked Dickenheimer better.
Jen: It’s a good one.
(around lunchtime, in two different locations)
alex: man i’m so hungry
sean: so hungry you’re hungy eh. i should make me a samich
alex: then feed it to me
sean: my cable modem does not support the food protocol
alex: stupid cox.
alex: i ate a pizza over dsl the other day
alex: it was digilicious
DEM0NH00D: pretty cheap
averybridgette: whats cheap
averybridgette: your prostitute?
DEM0NH00D: yeah
DEM0NH00D: she fell apart
DEM0NH00D: i was disappointed
DEM0NH00D: couldn’t even get my money back
averybridgette: at least you have the sheep
DEM0NH00D: i mean, that was bus fare
averybridgette: and your handcuffs
DEM0NH00D: the sheep will never leave me
DEM0NH00D: because i have the handcuffs 
sean: snatch, always a pleasure
sean: you’re a very helpful man. hell, i was just talking to my doctor the other day, and i told him how helpful you were in removing my spleen with a spork, a dirty rock, and a pair of tongs.
alex: you didn’t tell him my name, did you?
sean: no, i sorta passed out.
alex: exxxxcellent.
(while in Chilis, talking to an off duty waiter named Gregg. Gregg, btw, is the one that sings Happy Birthday opera style.)
Avery: Oh yeah, so you like the lakers?
Gregg: Yeah.
(sometime later)
(lakers score a basket)
Avery: Woooooh. Show us your tits!
(Gregg shakes his head, looks around as if to say “this girl is crazy”)
Paka: What?? I’m not drunk enough to drive!
sean: oh yea, look at my massive 2 inches…
SMcGheek: nah. you see that thing about greenland?
rehren: no, what is it?
SMcGheek: slashdot.org
rehren: iceland you mean?
SMcGheek: ya
SMcGheek: same thing 
rehren: it is?
SMcGheek: no
SMcGheek: joking
While discussing a Catholic mass Dawn had recently attended…
Narfa5 (1:57:39 PM): and i probably would have really gone off when i drank the wine
Narfa5 (1:57:47 PM): they were using the communal cup too
Narfa5 (1:57:50 PM): which is icky
JenRHock (1:58:01 PM): no, no no! they wipe it with the Napkin of Our Lord.
Narfa5 (1:58:12 PM): oh yeah, what was i thinking?
Narfa5 (1:58:25 PM): god will kill the germies!
Narfa5 (1:58:30 PM): but wait, he can’t do that, can he?
JenRHock (1:58:34 PM): The Lord’s Napkin is made antibacterial by the Grace of Our Lord Jesus.
while discussing stupid coworkers
alex: how’s work for you? are you getting dumber by being there?
jen: i’m so dumb now, I could be a professor. i’m so dumb now, i could draft a policy initiative. i could sit on the board of trustees. i could implement a campus wide email system… i am that dumb.