Steve: I wore pajamas last night. I have Peanuts all over my bottom.
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Posted by: Jen
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opening presents
Dad: It plays DVDs and CDs.
Tessa (reading box): It does 400…..dicks. Uh, I mean discs!
Steve, Anna & Max (at once): In a row?!Posted by: Sean -
Mom: What’s the name of that movie…”Silent Runnings”? You know, that one with the Puerto Rican luge team.
Jen: You mean the Jamaican bobsled team?
Mom: No, it was a Puerto Rican luge. “Silent Runnings,” right?
Steve: Cool Runnings. With the Jamaican bobsled team.
Mom: Right, Cool Runnings.Posted by: Jen -
While playing movie game:
Sean: You’re on Brent Spiner
Max: wait wait what?!
Sean: You’re doing Data Bitch!!Posted by: Tessa -
this man is sick, I don’t know him…
alex:
“you put your right toe bin, you put your right toe bout,
you put your right toe bin, and you gently massage the anal cavity.
you do the tobin toe-bin and you wiggle it about
and hope that no poop comes out!”but damn, he’s funny
Posted by: Tobin -
[the out of context battle continues]
jen: i snuck out of my bed last night and had some.
jen: i was laying there thinking about how it was in the next room, so i finally gave up and got some, and then i wanted more.jen: wait, that sounded dirty.
Posted by: Sean -
lopaka: Drinking makes me feel good. I should drink more often.
(everyone laughs)
sean: That’s why I drink every night.
(everyone laughs)
sean: No, really.
(everyone stares at sean)Posted by: Lopaka -
[online debate. subject: Time Travel.]
Jen: if watching Back to the Future taught me anything, it’s that your past and future selves cannot meet, or else you destroy the universe.
Sean: i dunno. if i take Timecop as gospel (and why wouldn’t i?!), then they couldn’t fight because they’d cancel each other out and cease to exist if they touched. poor Ron Silver.
Jen: interesting. but if they exist in the same moment, why does touching even matter?
Sean: something about the same object not being able to exist in the same space. van damme probably did the splits to distract from this plot point.
Jen: but they DON’T exist in the same space. they’d only exist in the same space if Ron Silver A’s atoms materialized in the EXACT SAME place as Ron Silver B’s, and in that case Ron Silver A would probably explode or something anyway.
Sean: i guess touching was enough of an overlap to cause problems. it’s not like they were making out or anything. just a bump.
Jen: if Ron Silver A is just fighting Ron Silver B, their molecules don’t exist in the same place at the same time at all – they’re just foxyboxing. i find this “Timecop” premise ludicrous.
Sean: in van damme’s universe, it was close enough.
Jen: but it’s NOT close enough!
Sean: the universe rounds up.Posted by: Jen -
[online conversation]
Sean: if i have to listen to a sleeping man snoring while almost swallowing his own tongue, they can deal with a little rack action.
Jen: i’m taking that out of context.
Sean: i’m a lot filthier out of context.
Posted by: Jen -
[online conversation]
Sean: i’d have a stupid smirk on my face the entire time. and there’s no way i’d be able to do it with either of you there. one bit of eye contact and i’d explode with laughter.
Jen: i’m taking that out of context.
Posted by: Jen -
sean: if it can’t tell time AND make your penis bigger, then what use is it?!!
Posted by: Alex -
madeline: nerd
sean: geek
madeline: pedophile
sean: baby cannibal
madeline: puppy shishkababer
sean: raccoon fornicator
madeline: atheist
sean: mormon
madeline: my computer got unplugged. mike did it…christian fundamentalist.
sean: always blaming others…..republican
madeline: i put blame where blame is due… anti-abortion doctor-killer.
sean: a likely story….televangelist
madeline: bake me cookies… apartheid supporter.
sean: bake your own cookies…. bush cabinet member
madeline: i’m busy – you do it…prussian blue fan.
sean: the kitchen is full already…..holocaust denier
madeline: … mel gibson fan.
sean: paris hilton stalker
madeline: katie holmes impregnator
sean: scientologist missionary
madeline: missionary-style purist
sean: abstinence only teacher
madeline: god-made-aids-to-punish-gay-people believer
sean: abu ghraib prison manual author
*insert problem with displaying a picture in the chat window*
madeline: it would’ve worked fine if you hadn’t mucked it up… funny picture sabotager.
sean: i live to thwart your efforts….carrot top fanclub president.
madeline: you are a vile, vile monster… martha stewart sexer-upper.
sean: my cruelty knows no bounds…..michael jackson defense fund contributor
madeline: talker-during-the-quiet-parts-in-the-movie-theater-er.
sean: Perfect Strangers erotic fanfic writer
madeline: now that’s just going too far!
sean: haha! i win!Posted by: Sean -
referring to something dorky
sean: i haven’t seen dork like that since junior high gym class!
Posted by: Alex -
sean: two things I hate – Hitler and yogurt!
Posted by: Lopaka -
Steve: I’m drowning in worcestershire sauce!
Jen: Delicious death.
Steve: Delicious like a foxburger!Posted by: Jen -
(while discussing medical form letters letting you know if
A) [ ] you’re going to die from a horrible disease or
B) [ ] it’s not a tumor)alex: that’s be great if the ‘x’ that marks the box was kind of in two boxes and you weren’t sure what the diagnosis was.
sean: “damnit. i’m not sure if i have cancer or if i just voted for pat buchanon”Posted by: Sean -
(overheard outside a restaurant)
Man: Nah, it won’t work out. Preschool teachers never give you a happy ending.
Posted by: Sean -
(overheard while eating lunch)
Guy 1: I mean, you can stick a lit cigarette up your ass and nothing will happen.
Guy 2: Well, you might get burned.
Guy 1: Sure, but the filter should help with that.Posted by: Sean -
Spoken part of Cyprus Hill song: “Lotta sharks out there, lookin’ to get ahead…”
Dawn: Hmmm…sharks. That’s a metaphor.Posted by: Jen -
Coworker 1: Chicks dig C++.
Coworker 2: Not C, though.
1: Not C?
2: No way, man. C’s just…*shrugs*. But C++ is like, ninja shit.Posted by: Jen -
Randall: Ok, another homeless person with a laptop? He isn’t getting my change.
Posted by: Sean -
(turning a corner in the car, a few women cross the street in front of us)
Brad: Moooooooo!!!
Josh: Awww. Hey now.
Brad: Don’t worry Josh, she’ll still be warm for another 45 minutes after you hit her with the car.Posted by: Sean -
Billy:It’s 3:30 the backside is closed by now.
Wes:The backside is always open for business!Posted by: Billy -
* watching exercise equipment infomercial with CHUCK NORRIS and CHRISTY BRINKLEY *
Christy Brinkley: It’s been a tough day of working out, Chuck!
Chuck Norris: It sure has been!Sean: Hahahaha… “has beens.”
Posted by: Alex
