(inside local restaurant – lunchtime)
Christine (sniffing): Hey, it smells like bacon in here.
Shasta (sniffing): Hmm, It does smell like bacon.
*Shasta spots a uniformed police officer grabbing a soda a few feet away.*
Christine: Yeah, totally smells like bacon.
Shasta (quietly): Shhhhhh.
Christine: What? Why?
Shasta (quietly): Shhhhhh. I’ll explain in a minute.
*The cop leaves*
(the mocking sean hour continues)
jen: do you wear the sorting hat when you go online to harry potter sex chatrooms?
sean: how do you think i get all the witches?
jen: i really don’t want to think about that
“I sort you into the house that dances around a little and takes off your clothes, and I sort you two into the house that gets a little drunk and makes out with each other at parties, and I sort you to the house that sits on my lap and laughs hilariously at everything I say. Accio condoms!”
A woman at work: “I don’t wear a helmet to go to the bathroom.”