Sarah: Why did we come into the mall?
Sean: Because we hate people?
Steve: Hating people burns a lot of calories. Look at Hitler, he wasn’t overweight.
Sean: Wasn’t he a vegetarian though?
Steve: That may have had something to do with it.
Sean: I wonder why he didn’t eat meat. It certainly wasn’t for moral reasons.
Satya: He told me it was a really mild case of Ebola.
(later)
Satya: After he left I sprayed the whole place down with Lysol.
Sarah: Nothing takes the romance out of a moment like stepping on a slug.
(runs off into the bathroom to wipe off her foot)
(two hipster skater guys at breakfast)
Guy:Would you like to see the Lion King 3D with me tonight? I’ll hold your hand.
(guy standing in the street, talking on his phone)
Guy: What is it? Um, well, it’s a beer pong tournament. You know, for school.
(employee trying to upsell additional items at a chinese restaurant)
Employee: Would you like our bbq chicken?
Beth: Is it white meat or dark meat?
Employee: It’s teriyaki!
Jen: i think we have plans to go look at cars
Sean: babymobiles?
Jen: REGULAR CARS
Sean: dodge minivan complete with a BABY ON BOARD placard
Jen: eat ten dicks
Sean: that’s so many. i’m not even hungry
Jen:well you should have thought of that before you got all smarty on me
now you got ten dicks and they ain’t gonna eat themselves
which reminds me it’s time for me to go get a sandwich
Sean: haha dick sandwich
Jen: hey whatever helps you get the dicks down
(While driving down the road, past a woman carrying 2 large empty water bottles)
Sarah (screaming out the window): Nice jugs!
Jen: you just need to do one impulsively ill advised thing, and see what it tastes like.
(hopefully it won’t taste like hobo cock.)
(passing by a college student on her phone)
Woman: No no. I was surrounded by a bunch of pretentious cunts.