sean: if it can’t tell time AND make your penis bigger, then what use is it?!!
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Posted by: Alex
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referring to something dorky
sean: i haven’t seen dork like that since junior high gym class!
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* watching exercise equipment infomercial with CHUCK NORRIS and CHRISTY BRINKLEY *
Christy Brinkley: It’s been a tough day of working out, Chuck!
Chuck Norris: It sure has been!Sean: Hahahaha… “has beens.”
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steve m: ouch. boner burn!
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sean: as long as it ends in a threesome, i don’t care.
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discussing a bizarro group of friends, just like ours
sean: we should fight them.
alex: do you have any idea what that could do to the universe?
sean: screw the universe, this is about reputation.Posted by: Alex -
tobin: writing, it’s like reading, but you don’t know what it says until you make it.
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discussing Britney Spears, the almighty
tobin:
“She’s so cold, she’s hot.
She’s so hot, she’s cold.
She’s so yin, she’s yang.
And now to wax my wang.”Posted by: Alex -
tobin:
I think I prefer “songs to which one ought to eat twat” for an album title, reserving “cunilingus ditty” for the hit single.Other songs include “greasy smile”, “it only smells like fish”, “I found the boat, where’s the man”, and the anthem sing-a-long “tasty pink taco”
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*emulating her childhood self*
Andria: When I have a boyfriend, I want to kiss him on a boat.
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colin (the sailor): “Pirates of the Caribbean” has got to be the best movie since “Captain Ron”!
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jen: if everybody had very nice lives, we’d all run out of reasons to drink.
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eating chocolate, jen sneezes violently
jen: ACHOO! whoa, I think I got chocolate in my nose… *looks around*… smells good in here.
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alex: have you heard of those dildos that you strap onto your chin?
jen: you mean the “Leno Dildo”?Posted by: Alex -
steve: I wanna be Superman for Christmas.
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jess: i’m enjoying this slurpee on a whole new level that slurpees shouldn’t be enjoyed on!
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on her day at work:
Jen: I frolick in a sea of bastard retards.Posted by: Alex -
sean: yup. hockey is on
alex: yea, hockey is where it’s at
sean: hockey is da place
alex: hockey in ya face
sean: hockey – it’s a pants thing
alex: hockey – not just for cows anymore
sean: hockey – 4 out of 5 dentists agree, it’s greeeeaaat!
alex: it would take 10 games of monopoly to equal the amount of hotels you can build in just one game of hockey!
alex: women have one period a month, hockey has three in a night!
sean: we’ve replaced alex’s golf with hockey, let’s see if he notices the difference..
sean: when your wife leaves you, your truck breaks down, and your dog dies, turn to hockey. country music will only depress you
alex: do sports really have the ability to hurt, mame, and kill you? sports do. -hockey
sean: H E Double Hockey Sticks. Hockey, the choice of sport for the underworld
alex: hockey: play it, you pussy
sean: hockey: if you’re not bleeding and bruised, you’re not playing it right
alex: hockey: teeth optional
sean: this isn’t your mom’s hockey
alex: hockey: it’s like soccer, but fun.
sean: hockey: it’s like sex, but with more padding and a mouthguard. and slightly less penetration
alex: on the road of life there is opera, and there is hockey. opera sucks
sean: i came here to chew bubblegum and play hockey. and i’m all outta bubblegum
alex: if you like to crush the competition, work in a team, go for the gold, and play to win: join the rowing team. if you like to fight: play hockey
sean: chickens have no lips, worms have no arms, and football players have no necks. stop thinking about body parts and pick up your god damned hockey stick already
sean: hockey: i ain’t wearin’ this cup because it’s fashionable
alex: hockey: big gloves, big skates, big sticks… you figure it out
alex: in the game of life you can be anything you want to be. but wouldn’t you just rather play hockey?
sean: hockey: when we’re not making lists, we’re kicking your assesPosted by: Alex -
alexatitp: laser tag bazooka?
DEM0NH00D: hehe, that’s just nuts
alexatitp: laser tag nerve gas
alexatitp: laser tag demoralizing propoganda…
DEM0NH00D: laser tag barbed wire
DEM0NH00D: laser tag suicide pill
alexatitp: laser tag wartime brothel
DEM0NH00D: laser tag VD
alexatitp: laser tag pine box / battleship sea burial kit
DEM0NH00D: laser tag insignia wrapped over coffin
alexatitp: laser tag powered automobiles
DEM0NH00D: laser tag gatorade flavor
alexatitp: laser tag news night with laser winning anchor, laser tag johnson
DEM0NH00D: laser tag: invisible beams of pleasure. starring Jenna JamesonPosted by: Alex -
sean: snatch, always a pleasure
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sean: you’re a very helpful man. hell, i was just talking to my doctor the other day, and i told him how helpful you were in removing my spleen with a spork, a dirty rock, and a pair of tongs.
alex: you didn’t tell him my name, did you?
sean: no, i sorta passed out.
alex: exxxxcellent.
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sean: oh yea, look at my massive 2 inches…
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while discussing stupid coworkers
alex: how’s work for you? are you getting dumber by being there?
jen: i’m so dumb now, I could be a professor. i’m so dumb now, i could draft a policy initiative. i could sit on the board of trustees. i could implement a campus wide email system… i am that dumb.Posted by: Alex -
feeding jen a useful car fact for future conversations
alex:ok, try this: the new SVT Mustang Cobra does zero to sixty in 4.5 seconds and pulls .9 Gs on the skidpad. Those are impressive numbers for 35 thousand dollars…. now you say it.
jen: the new VCM Cobra does zero to sixty in 42 seconds and pulls 6.9 Gs on the skidpad. all that for 30 grand? impressive.Posted by: Alex -
alexatitp (10:45:31 AM): lolly gaggling and tom foolery are sure paths to raddness ruination
stealthjeffer (10:46:11 AM): i don’t know about you, but i wouldn’t mind gagging lolly.Posted by: Alex -
(while watching a seinfeld outtake)
alex: if i had to be an ugly old man, i’d want to be jerry stiller.
tobin: if i had to be an ugly old man… i’d want to be your mom.Posted by: Alex -
echo conversation:
tobin: I’ll go grab one.
alex: grab something else for me, would ya? MY NUTStobin: where’d you leave ‘em? I couldn’t find ‘em in their regular place…. MY CHIN
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jen: shotgun, bang! what’s up with sean’s thang?
alex: i wanna know? where does he sit?
jen: wait up, hold up, mr. driver! like Chewbacca, he’s a sexy navigator!Posted by: Alex -
while watching a commercial for a ridiculous, painted silver dollar – cost: significantly more than a dollar
TV: And if you call now you can get this American Flag pin with a quarter molded in.
Alex: *mockingly* hey, what did you pay for your quarter?
Billy: *answering mockery* I got it free with my 40 dollar dollar!
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lora: I played with it until it discharged.
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