Tobin: Mmm, dick bread.
Andy: So I got this time management book from my birthday, I haven't had
time to read it yet....
ya know, I got it like two years ago...
Christine, rubbing the back of Wes's head: He could have been a golden
retriever in another life.
(and later)
Wes: Whaddya mean COULDA been?
begin aim conversation:
ICnerd: blizzablam!
TycoonAlex: whaboom!
ICnerd: chachink! kablam!
TycoonAlex: fzzzpop whoopa!
ICnerd: pshhhhhiitt... kaboooom!
TycoonAlex: vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaa klazaam!
ICnerd: chuggachuggachugga whammo!
TycoonAlex: the chugga chugga stopped me. that one was too good
ICnerd: i was seriously cracking up.. hard to type.. that was a
good game.. same time, next week?
end aim conversation
Colin: I'm going home, that fish keeps looking at me
Alex: I think he wants to fight you... my money's on the fish, he's mean.
Colin: That's not fair, he's not afraid of me
*As he puts on a jacket from the lost & found*
Tobin: Next time someone loses a jacket, they should really lose a size
smaller
Lora: *Pointing at her own head* Do you ever get that "empty feeling" RIGHT HERE?
Billy: Wanna know something disturbing? I called to check my credit card balance and the guy on the phone asked for my account number. When I gave it to him, he said "hee hee hee" and the line went dead.
(Lopaka walks by in a suit-looking ready for Wall Street)
(Matt stops dead in his tracks-looking scared)
Matt: Oh shit. (waits) What are you doing?
Lopaka: Applying for your position.
(Andy walks in out of the rain.)
Andy: Can you toss me a rag?
(Jennifer tosses him a rag.)
Andy (wiping off his computer case): Oh, my poor baby...
Christine: He was so cute..."You're the cutest little Nazi I ever saw."
(Regarding Edward Norton in American History X)
Sean: I guess Valentine's Day brings out the desparation in all of us.
Alex: *blank stare*
Sean: *apologetic* NOT to say that you're not an attractive man....
Sean tells Alex about a segment on Dateline NBC about a kid
who was born a boy but raised a girl because his circumcision was
botched.
Sean: [continued]...hehe, that was the title.
Alex: it was called "hehe"?
Alex: that's cruel.
Sean: it was called "neener neener neener you don't gotta weener"
Sean: cuz gee willickers batman, we shouldn't have to think hard before we have lunch and screw some groupies
Randall: Digital Unix? It's not american.
Alex: No, it's digital. From digitania.
Wes: Huh, what are the people from there called?
Randall: *matter of fact* Digits!
Tobin: I just got that sudden urge to go play with my poop again.
Wes: Someone is going to send you an email.
Lopaka: Who?
Wes: What does this command do? (writing on whiteboard) grep --> quotes.html
Lopaka: Oh sh!t. He erased the quotes page!!!!
Alex: You ever have an event in life the aftermath of which gives you the ability to relate to sappy sad 80's songs?
Tobin: Yeah....
Tobin: I have no idea what you're talking about right now.
Tobin: Of all the things that are hard to sell, I don't think sex is
one of them
Jen: I've had some difficulty....
Alex: ... anyway, I used to think that girl was really cute when I watched that show.
Christy: Well I used to think that too, until I decided that I wasn't a lesbian.
Alex: That must have been a hard choice to make.
Sean: Yes, but we all have to make that decision at some point in our lives.
overheard while walking to phelps
girl: no, sorry, i cant. i have to help my ex-boyfriend wax his chest.
Sean, while wearing black clothes, hockey skates and a ski mask: "This is
what's called my friendly look. I think it says 'Hey, I'm approachable.'"
Alex: I could be downloading some serious porn right now if it weren't for all these damn AIM conversations.
Sean (reading upsetting new additions to quotes page): Let's
see... a couple fucks, a few shits, and a silly ass in a pear tree.
Alex: "Dark khaki" sounds stupid.
Sean: It has a hex value: DDB76B.
Jen: DFB33B (flustered)...f#ck!
Sean: Sorry, you can't code for "f#ck".
Alex: Yeah, and I would make my background color "f#ck". (Jennifer
falls down on the floor
dying of coke burns...see below.)
Sean: Yes, and it would induce orgasm on page loading.
Jen: !'m n0t g0ing to be d0wn there f0r g@$ping @nd n0 fucking!
Jen: I was drinking coke - *gasp* - and then I was laughing - *gasp* - and
then the coke was in my throat - *gasp* - and then the coke started going
back up my throat - *gasp* - and then I had to lie on the ground and try
to make it go back down my throat - *sigh* - and it burns.....
Alex: Do you care about me, Sean?
Sean: No one cares about your silly-a$$ style sheets.
Alex: There goes your ride home, sh!tface.
(And later...)Alex: Know what I like about Jen? Nothing.
Alex (while struggling with style sheets): F#cking sh!th@le!
F#cking Randall! It always works when he does it! I hate him with all of
my hate!
Sean: I fail to see what that has to do with anything.
Alex: Why don't you shut the f#ck up?!? Ever think of THAT, jerkwad?
Jen: but would I be a bad person?
Alex: no. you'll have to do better than that.
Jen: um....I recently robbed and pillaged a nunnery, and after I turned the
nuns out completely nude, and sold the nunnery to a chain of grocery stores.
Jen: "St. Albertsons"
Alex: that's pretty good, but still far too funny.
Jen: f*ck! maybe I'm one of those demented madmen who make jokes at
inappropriate times?
Jen: Why, just last week, I had Macguyver in a grain storage bin, and I
made a joke, and distracted my evil henchmen, and he was able to make a rope of duct
tape and climb to safety.
Alex: You can't play Russian Roulette with a cap gun, Sean.
Sean: SURE you can, you just go deaf.
Sean: Hello, this is professor klumfudder. i would like to file a
complaint about one of your student presentors for my class. i think his
name was Tommy Square or something. the point is, he came into the
presentation stinking ass drunk. he slurred his speech, and when one of my
students asked what your open hours were, he proceeded to moon them and
slap his ass, saying "Here's yo open hours ya dirty bastard!"
Tod's Fairwell Dinner - The little yellow sheet
(all of these comments were written over the course of Tod's dinner by
the various people in attendence. since none of them are labeled, they are
completely anonymous)
- For a good time call 571-7557 (phil's # during the summer)
- I am an alien taken this paper form. Right now I am having sex
w/your hand and I know you like it because you are smiling. :)
- www.todsgoawaydinner.com
- Do NOT be afraid to love the avocado.
- you want a piece of me? i'll kill ya! kill ya all!
- I miss Alex W. at this end of the table. His charming smile melts my
brain.
- (commenting on above quote)
narcissist?
- I am wearing polka-dot panties.
- I'd smile if you'd touch me again.
- I'm trapped in a Turkish prison. Help! Send brownies.
- (commenting on above quote)
I'm trapped in a turkish toilet...splash splash!
- (commenting on above quote)
I'm trapped in a Turkish whore. Bring the jaws-of-life.
- How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck
wood?
- The people I work with are sick puppies. And I mean that in the
nicest possible way.
- suckers!
- "No matter where you go, there you are."
- ok. here's the deal. this is only a "work" function. get over it.
- I'm squishing your head. I'm squishing your head.
- Brandy is not a "shot taking" liquor.
- I'm melting because I'm made of cheese.
- press here.
- The glass isn't half empty, it's just designed twice as big as it
needs to be.
- I am the outsider.
- Minni-me you complete me!
- ?
- none of this makes sense.
Sean: If I were immortal, I'd become the best skater in the world
cause I wouldn't spend time doing anything else.
Alex: Where would you get money to live?
Sean: Dude, I'd be immortal. You don't see any poor immortals
around, do you?!
Alex: I don't.... immortals.... I....
Sean (on being a sappy person in a bad mood): And I'm pissed off... that
there aren't more butterflies in the world, damnit!
Sean: ... It's like making webpages, ya know? It's easy, but it takes a
long time.
Jen, Alex, Phil: * mocking, non-understanding laughter *
Sean: *upset* But, KILLIN'! that's quick... it's just disposing of the
body that takes time.
Wes: I can make thunder under my desk.
Alex: I don't want the frosting to get on the napkin.
Jen: I don't care where it goes as long as it ends up in my mouth
at some point.
(after andy claimed he was responsible for the pearl harbor attack, coincidentally (sp?) on his birthday)
Wes: Andy, you weren't even a twinkle in someone's twinkle then!
(this happens everyday, at 3 million words per second)
Andy: Hilloo-thisiz-indy
translation: Hello this is Andy
Tobin: This is Tobin's stomach, if you don't give him a break soon I'm
going to start digesting him, and you're next, tough guy!
Christy: There's nothing wrong with nipple.
Steve: Nope. In fact, there's something quite RIGHT with it.
"anonymous": I'm gonna drop my boys on the scanner. hee heeeee!!
(regarding simile)
Wes: I never had any hick relatives growing up, so I didn't learn these
things like Sean.
Sean: What, like English?
Wes: This chick's not the swiftest branch on the tree.
Sean: What does THAT mean?
Wes: Not the smoothest goblin on the church.
Not the spikiest mace in the dungeon.
Not the sharpest spike on your track shoes.
(a short time later...)
Wes: Ok, maybe it doesn't make a whole lotta sense when you read it, but
the first time you hear it.....yeah....
Christine: the cutest pokemon is called Scrotum
Naseem: I'm the most action this lab has ever seen.
Sean: When you can hear the ocean, that means you're no longer connected
to RBT.
Alex: It also means you're drowning.
Sean: Which is less of a concern.
(While enduring a long, silent wait on RBT.)
Jen: Should I hang up and call again?
Sean and Alex: NO!
Alex: That's not even funny to joke about.
Sean: Oh, yeah, you're my friend. Now I'll kill you fast, instead of
slow.
Alex: I hear female voices
Wes: I like females!!!!
Jen: *sheepishly turns away and leaves with fear in her eyes*
Sean: Don't bite stumpy!
Jen: whoa, those are masturbationarific!
Alex: Is it possible to fall in love with something you've worn on your
feet?
Cause that's what I'm feeling right now.
Jen: tell [Jen] that I said hello.
Alex: ok, Jen says hello... that was weird.
Jen: you're telling us!
Andy: A piece of ass is always sweet.
Christy: I might go to the play by myself.
Sean: You can't go to a play with yourself. I mean, what would the two of
you talk about?
Christy: ummm, me.
Alex: Hey Tobin, anything you need in the NMC?
Tobin: Hmmm.... not really, maybe a stripper and some beer, but I'd settle
for someone to come in and use the damn lab and ask questions.
Sean: secrets secrets...places and things. fun with yarn, fun with
string.
Alex: *blank stare*
Sean: I made that up.
Sean: Meet me in the alley. Wear something slinky.
Jen: What do you think I DO there?
Sean: Web stuff...well, econ people are repressed, aren't they?
Alex: When Sean types he moves his head and his mouth a lot.
Christy: That's cause he's a puppet.
Sean: Pick-Up-Stix... Chicks-With-uhh that's not a good rhyme.
Christy: Look at this document I made today, isn't it interesting?
Sean: Yes, if that was hanging in the air, I'd definitely pay attention to that, as opposed to the air. *smug smile*
Alex: Josh stretched my sunglasses out when he put them on his big
head.
(in threatening Austrian accents)
Alex: I love Webmonkey. They taught me how to do Javascript.
Sean: Why don't you marry them?
Alex: Maybe I will.
Sean: Yes, and you'll have orangutan children.
Alex: I'm not a smart man.
Jen: mmm, me neither.
Christine: Our children will be like little monkeys. We'll name them after
ic staff. Ya know, like Seannifer. Or maybe Stevilly.
Tobin: I thought I needed more paper but everything's under control now. I
went out into the courtyard and cut a tree down. False alarm.
Randall: What's with this "little bunny foo foo?"
Becca: You know. "Little bunny foo foo, hopping through the
forest..."
Randall: Ohh. I wasn't read to as a child.
Sean: Where am I?
Jen and Alex: *blank stares*
Sean: Oh yeah, I'm in the office.
Alex: Teriyaki makes me messy.
Sean: I thought everything made you messy.
(and later...)
Alex: If I would think for about two seconds, I might not be on the quotes
page so often...quit giggling!
Jen: Sean, if you don't take that thing out of your mouth right now, I'm
gonna shove the VACO key up your nose!
Sean: You don't just do things for no reason.
Chris and Jen: Wes does.
Sean: You know, when you get bored in the server room, there's only two
alternatives.
Randall: What's the other one?
Jen: It's got a nice, whorish aftertone...
Sean: What were they thinking? There's no sex in the server room.
Jen: Don't touch me.
Sean: I get that a lot.
Sean: Man Banner. BRUCE Banner!
Alex: I love calling the new consultants and having them be scared of me
on the phone.
Sean: (pretending to call consultant)
"I'm outside your window!
I know you're there!
Is that your girlfriend?
SHE'S PRETTY!"
Alex: I'm such an attractive man, it frightens me.
Alex: I'm going to the little boys room. To do little boy things.
Sean: What, like go play with Hot Wheels?
Randall: (in the office, to Jennifer) Why don't you go home?
Jennifer: (in meek voice) I AM home.
Jen: Oh shoot, I just go- duh- bu- ah- gu- ... damn. I ran out of words.
Alex: Do you like HANDY SNACKS? Perhaps you're a fan... of big ass ham.
Big ass ham!
Randall (while calling to cover a shift): Uh...yes...can I speak
to....hang on a sec...(tries to figure out which consultant he's
calling)...wait...(hangs up and bursts into hysterical laughter)
Sean (age 22): How do you spell "senile"?
Randall: I go to Raging Waters every other friday to relieve myself
Becca: (introducing Andy) This is Andy. He makes a great piece of
ass.
Alex: I've got spider radar, I've got spi-dar.
Jen: I fall down... with alarming frequency.
Billy: Hey, that rhymes! Netstation location; what's your function.
That should go in the quotes page.
