Quotes Page » college

With Teeth

Sean — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 22:26:56 +0000

(passing by a college student on her phone)

Woman: No no. I was surrounded by a bunch of pretentious cunts.

Multiple Choice

Sean — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 16:11:21 +0000

(students chatting about classes and tests)

Excitable Student: Oh man, I love multiple choice. I always pass those. Scantrons and all that. Multiple choice is my shit!

Only the Rich Wash Regularly

Sean — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 21:09:44 +0000

(a college couple observes a bunch of male students playing soccer in the mud)

Boyfriend: Eww.
Girlfriend: They’re probably rich kids. They can afford to do laundry.
Boyfriend: Oh.

I’m His Doctor

Sean — Sun, 13 May 2007 09:08:57 +0000

(as a Gunther concert lets out and the crowd disperses)

Random Male Student: I’m not sure yet. He did ask me to taste his semen.

Pussy Squared?

Sean — Tue, 28 Feb 2006 07:27:03 +0000

(overheard on campus)

Woman 1: It was the cat’s meow!
Woman 2: I thought it was the cat’s pajamas.
Woman 1: The cat’s vagina?
Woman 2: Yeah, that’s totally it.

Upstanding Citizens Part 2

Sean — Mon, 06 Aug 2001 20:07:31 +0000

(the night continues…see previous quote)

Samantha (fairly intoxicated): I give good head.
(everyone starts laughing)
Samantha: I do.
Jermaine: What?! No you don’t. You give shitty head.
(laughter grows)
Samantha: Not on humans. Duh. Animals. They’re much easier. With their little weewees.
Joe (laughing uncontrollably): Stop stop! I can’t handle anymore. No more animal sex!

Upstanding Citizens Part 1

Sean — Mon, 06 Aug 2001 07:56:48 +0000

(while walking in a group down the streets of the local college town)

Samantha (approaching random guy): Hey, how’re you doing?
Random Guy: Real good.
Samantha: What would it take to get you on all fours?
Random Guy: Um, a lot.
Samantha: That’s too bad. You’re not the goat I’m looking for. Bahhhhh! Bye.

With Nurse Crotch

Sean — Wed, 09 May 2001 22:11:16 +0000

“You’re lucky, here at the university we have the foremost researcher on Genital Warts, Dr.Cox.”

- Completely serious ‘Human Sexuality’ professor.

Ready for My Closeup

Sean — Wed, 09 May 2001 21:49:11 +0000

“It doesn’t really matter to me, just as long as it’s tight on my ass.”

- some college girl in a laundromat, referring to god knows what

No Maps Though

Sean — Fri, 02 Mar 2001 00:04:05 +0000

(from the little yellow sheet at Jen’s b’day.)

(in regards to Gabe’s much maligned major)

So, if a geography major gets lost, does he get kicked out of the major? -sean

No, they just give him a rock hammer and call it close enough. -anon

Presentation Skillz

Alex — Thu, 24 Feb 2000 03:19:00 +0000

Sean: Hello, this is professor klumfudder. i would like to file a complaint about one of your student presentors for my class. i think his name was Tommy Square or something. the point is, he came into the presentation stinking ass drunk. he slurred his speech, and when one of my students asked what your open hours were, he proceeded to moon them and slap his ass, saying “Here’s yo open hours ya dirty bastard!”

Pass Times

Jen — Wed, 12 Jan 2000 02:24:47 +0000

Sean: When you can hear the ocean, that means you’re no longer connected to RBT.
Alex: It also means you’re drowning.
Sean: Which is less of a concern.

Now, Dead Babies…

Jen — Tue, 11 Jan 2000 18:25:41 +0000

(While enduring a long, silent wait on RBT.)
Jen: Should I hang up and call again?
Sean and Alex: NO!
Alex: That’s not even funny to joke about.

I Left My Email There

Anonymous — Wed, 24 Jun 1998 00:31:41 +0000

USER: I am having problems with my email.
MIKA: What is your address?
USER: 6### Del Playa.