Quotes Page » food

Too Bad There are Only Ten of Them

Sean — Mon, 17 May 2010 05:20:37 +0000

Sarah: Mmm, this is the best my fingers have ever tasted.

Unusual Food Delivery

Sean — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 22:24:24 +0000

(while at a fancy dinner)

Sarah: Oh my god! It just shit a banana!

So Much Bacon

Sean — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 23:41:45 +0000

(inside local restaurant – lunchtime)

Christine (sniffing): Hey, it smells like bacon in here.
Shasta (sniffing): Hmm, It does smell like bacon.
*Shasta spots a uniformed police officer grabbing a soda a few feet away.*
Christine: Yeah, totally smells like bacon.
Shasta (quietly): Shhhhhh.
Christine: What? Why?
Shasta (quietly): Shhhhhh. I’ll explain in a minute.
*The cop leaves*

Lambcakes?

Sean — Sat, 25 Nov 2006 06:40:16 +0000

(While playing Texas Hold-em poker)

{Max turns over a 4 on the flop}
Steve Y.: Damnit! That’s the meat in my pancakes.
Everyone: You eat meat in your pancakes?

And Maybe Cottage Cheese

Lopaka — Wed, 28 Sep 2005 23:06:56 +0000

sean: two things I hate – Hitler and yogurt!

Better than Tobasco

Jen — Thu, 23 Jun 2005 22:21:22 +0000

Steve: I’m drowning in worcestershire sauce!
Jen: Delicious death.
Steve: Delicious like a foxburger!

Koala

Sean — Tue, 30 Mar 2004 00:52:15 +0000

(at dinner on a cruise ship)

Shasta: This kahlua cake doesn’t taste much like kahlua.
Sean: I thought you said koala cake. That doesn’t seem tasty.
Shasta: Aww. Poor koalas.
Billy: Man, koalas will mess you up!

The Burger King of England

Sean — Mon, 03 Mar 2003 23:17:03 +0000

lamont: Taco Bell has no bell
demonhood: mcdonalds is not irish
demonhood: or scottish even
lamont: Pizza Hut is run by humans not Hutts
demonhood: there is no royalty at burger king
lamont: Jack in the Box and Carl’s Junior are both utterly perverse names
demonhood: wendy’s doesn’t even serve wendy burgers anymore
lamont: And In and Out is no longer what “a hamburger is all about” They’re changing the name to “In and then snuggle a bit”
demonhood: subway lives above ground
lamont: Marie Calendar’s doesn’t know what month it is
demonhood: sizzler boils everything
lamont: Dairy Queen isn’t actually run by lactose intolerant gay men.
demonhood: panda express food is comprised entirely of pandas that weren’t fast enough to get away
lamont: Del Taco is not truly “Of the Taco”
demonhood: olive garden salts the earth after they’ve gotten their produce
lamont: Little Cesaer’s is all that remains of the Roman empire.
demonhood: dominoes builds too closely to tall unstable neighboring establishments
lamont: Don Jose isn’t really a Don
demonhood: Red Robin’s carpet doesn’t match the drapes
lamont: Black Angus is white.
demonhood: outback steakhouse uses indoor plumbing
lamont: Chili’s doesn’t use real baby backs.
lamont: Long John Silvers wears boxers.
demonhood: foster’s freeze serves warm food too
lamont: White Castle is more of a fort.
demonhood: the owner of Chevy’s prefers Fords
lamont: Dunkin’ Donuts can only do layups
demonhood: Krispy Kremes was actually started by a man named Krispy.

Holy Kernels

Sean — Sat, 28 Dec 2002 07:51:19 +0000

(while walking thru an outdoor shopping center)

Popcorn Vendor (calling out): Free samples, if you’d like to taste!
Tessa: Did he just say “Free samples, for Christ’s sake.” ?
Max: I don’t think so.
Sean:: But that’d be a unique way to sell popcorn. Invoking the name of Jesus Christ.

Until I Get a Camera

Sean — Wed, 18 Dec 2002 18:46:58 +0000

(while reaching for some brie at a holiday party, his arm precariously close to being burned)

Alex: uh oh. I don’t think I should be cutting the cheese over these candles.

My Favorite Gourd

Sean — Tue, 21 Aug 2001 06:06:44 +0000

ean: you can’t plant every seed
Piper: Oh, Dude…Now you tell me
Piper: all that waisted seed
Sean: and pumpkin/human hybrids……that’s a no go too
Piper: you been fucking pumpkins?!
Piper: –silence—
Sean: the pumpkin lies!
Sean: i never touched that pumpkin.

With Cinnamon

Anonymous — Fri, 02 Jun 2000 02:16:01 +0000

Tobin: Mmm, dick bread.

Tobin’s Digest

Alex — Thu, 27 Jan 2000 06:36:36 +0000

Tobin: This is Tobin’s stomach, if you don’t give him a break soon I’m going to start digesting him, and you’re next, tough guy!

Mess Maker

Jen — Mon, 22 Nov 1999 05:31:01 +0000

Alex: Teriyaki makes me messy.
Sean: I thought everything made you messy.
(and later…)
Alex: If I would think for about two seconds, I might not be on the quotes page so often…quit giggling!

Big Ass Ham

Jen — Tue, 05 Oct 1999 19:36:09 +0000

Alex: Do you like HANDY SNACKS? Perhaps you’re a fan… of big ass ham. Big ass ham!

Mmm, Monkey Brains

Alex — Fri, 18 Jun 1999 20:07:34 +0000

Ado: Doo doo doo, Monkey Brains, Monkey Brains…. Never has anything looked so gross but tasted soooo good.

Mayo?

Jen — Sun, 11 Apr 1999 03:49:27 +0000

Sean (to Wes): Can you have one meal where you don’t have mayonnaise on your face?

Meat Holes

Lambert — Sat, 09 Jan 1999 07:40:03 +0000

Christy: “I really wish there was meat in donuts. I really want a slab of meat and I don’t know why.”

Not Chocolate

Sean — Sat, 27 Jun 1998 07:14:03 +0000

How did I get chocolate there?
[smells pant leg] …..
Is that chocolate?
-Anonymous Office Staffer

So Smooth and Fatty

Christy — Fri, 26 Jun 1998 18:09:25 +0000

Matt D. – How does this program flow?
Debbie – Like butter baby.