(in regards to a story about an airline pilot asking christian passengers to identify themselves so non-christians could talk to them about their faith)
jen: i just read that.
[mock pilot announcment]
“if you’re a christian, raise your hand so non-christians can punch you in the face.”
sean: “i’ll be available after the flight so you can kick me in the groin. that’s all you dirty heathens.”
jen: “keep in mind that if the plane starts to depressurize, oxygen masks will fall from the ceiling and the nonbelievers will go on to burn in hell.”
sean: “if your fellow passengers are buggering each other, please do not try to talk to them about christianity. no matter how many times they yell out ‘oh god, oh god!’ ”
jen: “and unless you’re a member of our frequent-flying clergy program, do not join in the buggering.”
sean: “buggering automatically forfeits your right to inflight peanuts, the terrible movie, and eternal salvation. well, if you enjoy it, that is.”
jen: “if you’ll look out the window, you should see a cloud formation that looks just like our holy virgin mother, bleeding out her eyes!”
sean: “and directly below; the sinners of san francisco. i’d ask you all to spit out the window, but i’ve been told, repeatedly, that this is a bad idea. so please, instead, wish for their quick death and eternal damnation in your nightly prayers.”