Steve: I got an email from Matt yesterday. He said that nobody in his unit had ever seen “The Dark Crystal”. Jen: I thought you were going to say “real combat”. Steve: That too.
Yearly Archives: 2007
Vagina 2.0
(while discussing what to doodle at our next pub quiz night) Jen: i thought of a way better idea for the back of Sheet 4 tomorrow “TRUE and INTERESTING Facts About Vaginas Not Appearing in Tonight’s Program” 1) “The modern day vagina was invented in 1832 by George Washington Carver, who also discovered over 300 …
Classy Reading
(While discussing Romance Novels) Sara- “I don’t like having to hold a book while I masturbate”
This Monkey Craze
Sean (via IM): man, why does everyone have a monkey to love but me?!
Solving World Hunger
–In Vons, Move-In Week at UCSB– Slim, tan co-ed to her friends: I wish I was anorexic. Then I wouldn’t have to go grocery shopping.
Carradine Deficiency
Jen: i like that on netflix, they list Keith Carradine as costarring in Deadwood in every single episode. Sean: the spirit of buffalo bill lives on! Jen: they should say “Co-stars Keith Carradine* (*Keith Carradine fans should prepare for disappointment.)” Sean: the head of his fan club should file a complaint Jen: “where’s keith carradine???” …
And It’s Not Even Friday
Jen: well obviously i’m not getting nude in the office, but there’s definitely a psycho dance vibe here
Ass March
::While walking single file up a path:: Max: Sara you dropped… Sara: Is there something wrong with my ass?! Max:…your cigarettes.
So Much Bacon
(inside local restaurant – lunchtime) Christine (sniffing): Hey, it smells like bacon in here. Shasta (sniffing): Hmm, It does smell like bacon. *Shasta spots a uniformed police officer grabbing a soda a few feet away.* Christine: Yeah, totally smells like bacon. Shasta (quietly): Shhhhhh. Christine: What? Why? Shasta (quietly): Shhhhhh. I’ll explain in a minute. …
Sordid Sorting Hat
(the mocking sean hour continues) jen: do you wear the sorting hat when you go online to harry potter sex chatrooms? sean: how do you think i get all the witches? jen: i really don’t want to think about that “I sort you into the house that dances around a little and takes off your …
Not Bathroom Prepared
A woman at work: “I don’t wear a helmet to go to the bathroom.”
I’m His Doctor
(as a Gunther concert lets out and the crowd disperses) Random Male Student: I’m not sure yet. He did ask me to taste his semen.
Leprechaun Sequels
Stephen: you should have written the tag line for leprechaun 6. the current one is “evil has a whole new rap!” i know some white guy in a neckerchief wrote that. Sean: he wore a special green neckerchief the day that he wrote that. you know, for inspiration Sean: Leprechaun 7: Lady Lumps “Somewhere over …
Everyone Gets Training
Madeline: i don’t trust anyone who sucks at blowjobs in my kitchen.
Renowned Storytime Part 2
(the story continues…) Jen: “Sean sat frozen in his chair and shook with terrifying fear. This, he realized was not checkmate at all, but rather checkmate and then his opponent set fire to the checkerboard and laughed maniacally, because he had turned out to be some type of maniac.” Sean: “Flashmaster Jay, who was a …
Renowned Storytime Part 1
Sean has forwarded Jen an article (http://byneddiejingo.blogspot.com/2006/04/et-in-arcadia-ego.html). An IM conversation happens. Sean: “Renowned systems administrator Sean sat down in his second floor office. He lunged for the keyboard, because lunging is a much better word then ‘reached’.” Jen: “At the sound of a tapping in the doorway Sean froze and whirled around in his chair, …
Quick or Easy To Please?
(While Alex and Billy are getting ready to go out.) Alex: I really love blowjobs. Billy (sultry): Close the door. Alex (to everyone waiting in the hall): I’ll be 30 seconds. {the door closes}
But they have Fries
:While Sitting in line at the drive-thru: “I hate that I want penis”- Sarah “They stopped serving that at ten”-Max
Crispy Death Treats
::While Discussing talking food the conversation turned to Snap Crackle and Pop:: “Its hard to eat a breakfast cereal when its in its death throes”
Barometer Band
Humidity, on the other hand, has no opinion of rubberbands.
Porn War III
Sean: Nobody watches German films…only perverts.
Surprise Sex
Vy: You know. It’s like when you wake up, and your butt hurts, and you don’t know why.
Moisturized Sea Creatures
jen: giant squid used up all my jergens! sean: i tried to tell you! they’re totally selfish jen: it’s because of giant squid that i buy jergens to keep on my desk, and my own good lotion to keep in my desk. sean: smart.
New Challenger – Gremlins
Alien vs Predator Game hits a snag in the retelling Jen: I feel bad that gremlins got cut. maybe we SHOULD take out terminator. Wait – I know how to resolve this. Gremlins vs. Terminator! Sean: That’d take a shitload of gremlins. Jen: Fine, fine: A Shitload of Gremlins vs The Original Terminator! Sean: They’d …
Alien Vs. Everyone
Alien Vs. Predator – The Game! jen: here are the rules: somebody offers up somebody or something to fight against Alien. the other person decides the winner. jen: I’ll start: Alien versus Sasquatch! sean: oooh, tough one. as long as the alien didn’t get the drop on sassy, i think he could crush the alien …
Emoticon Breakdown
Phil S.: -6 Phil S.: wtf!? Phil S.: i mant Phil S.: :! Phil S.: omg! Phil S.: i can’t even smilie tonight Sean: you’re defective
What Happens on the Cruise Stays…
(Christine debates whether or not to go on a cruise.) Christine: I need a cabin-mate. Shasta: I’ll get Vince to go. Christine: Ok, but if I’m changing, he has to go into the bathroom. If he sees boob then I’m never going back to work again.