Updates from November, 2009 Toggle Comment Threads | Keyboard Shortcuts

  • Sean 1:46 pm on November 12, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , smurfs   

    (while talking on the phone)

    Sarah: So you want me to pick you up some blueberry oatmeal?
    Sean: What? Did you say bloobies?
    Sarah: No. What are bloobies?
    Sean: Sounds like a combination of blueberry and boobies.
    Sarah: Ugh.
    Sean: Smurf tits!
    Sarah: You’re disgusting.

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  • Sean 4:15 pm on October 16, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: adult material, costumes   

    Jen: there is an ad on a webpage that says “Shop Now! Adult Costumes”, but the lady in the picture is fully clothed and dressed as just a slightly bosomy Queen of Hearts
    so i am confused. is this an online store for grown-up sized costumes, or a store where i can buy costumes to make me look like a slut?

    Sean: grown up costumes for people that want to go out for halloween, but not be slutty.
    also available – non-sexy librarian

    Jen: nobody likes stores like that

    Sean: frumpy teacher

    Jen: Professional Nurse

    Sean: ha. she’s good at her job, she doesn’t need to be a whore

    Jen: Inhumanoid Alien

    Sean: Grouchy Policewoman

    Jen: Policewoman with Practical Boots

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  • Sean 4:18 pm on September 10, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , titles   

    (discussing the possibility of an Alien prequel)

    Jen: prequel? who could possibly be interested in that crap
    Jen: Alien 0: Gassing Up the Nostromo
    Alien 0: Some Random Aliens Crashed into a Planet

    Sean: Alien 0: Man, Tom Skerritt looks old
    Alien 0: Ripley Picks out a Cat at the Intergalactic Humane Society

    Jen: Alien 0: Suspicious New Doctor
    Alien 0: Ripley Plans a Birthday Party for Next Year

    Sean: we’ll see her opening up a storage bag with some of those trick birthday candles in it.
    but the joke will be on her.
    since, ya know, it’s like 80 years later.

    Jen: it was her daughter’s birthday
    “wah wah wah, i promised her i’d be home for her 10th birthday! wah wah wah, daughter is dead.”

    Sean: that’ll teach her to procreate and then get attacked by an unscrupulous robot doctor controlled by a mega-corporation hellbent on studying an interesting but deadly new creature

    Jen: Step 3: ???
    Step 4: Profit!
    seriously that step 3 was always the problem for me with the aliens.
    Step 1: Aliens.
    Step 2: Paul Reiser.

    Sean: Step 3 involved leaving the room and snorting a lot of coke

    Jen: that’s some good screenwriting.

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  • Sean 2:24 pm on July 14, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , shit   

    (while at a fancy dinner)

    Sarah: Oh my god! It just shit a banana!

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  • Sean 3:10 pm on June 12, 2009 Permalink | Reply

    (while discussing the FDA’s new power over cigarettes)

    Sean: They should separate the Drugs from the FDA. They should just do food.
    Brian: Right, so what does the FDA even regulate now?
    Sean: Things you put in your mouth?
    Brian: Bah. They should be the Food and Dick Administration.
    Sean: Uhh…
    Brian: Wait, not that I put those in my mouth!

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    Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast)
  • Sarah 8:19 am on June 9, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: magical, sandwiches, turkey   

    Sean (said with a lilting lisp): “It’s a sandwich from Turkey Island. It’s a magical place where turkeys roam free and then turn into sandwiches.”

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  • Sarah 11:01 am on June 4, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: pinkies   

    Me: “Fuck! I just cmd-Q’d firefox on accident AGAIN!”
    Sean: “You should look into smaller fingers.”
    Me: “Are you saying I have fat pinkies!”

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  • Sean 1:57 pm on April 8, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: insult, tan   

    {while walking down steps to the local beach on a beautiful day}

    Overly tan woman (enthusiastically): Hey! You guys must be down here to get a tan!
    [Sean and Dawn look at their own pale skin]
    Tan woman (still enthusiastic): Are you here from one of the cold countries?!
    [Awkward pause]
    Dawn: Um…no.
    [Tan woman walks away, undoubtedly to tell all her friends how people from the “cold countries” are albino jerks.]

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  • Max 1:48 am on March 27, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: midgets, thailand   

    Chris: I should totally rent a midget!

    Max: You can’t “rent” a midget.

    Chris: Can I rent a dwarf?

    Max: You can’t rent people.

    Chris: I’ve been to Thailand, yes you can.

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    Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast)
  • Sean 3:52 pm on March 25, 2009 Permalink | Reply

    Christine: I can drive.
    Sean: Cool.
    Christine: So it’ll be you, me, Paka, Vince and Brian in my car.
    {Vince walks up}
    Christine: I’m gonna be in a man sandwich all day!
    Vince: What the hell!

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  • Sean 1:51 pm on March 11, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    (an asian sorority is giving out fundraiser fliers for Panda Express.)
    (meanwhile, in line)

    Girl (eyeing form in boyfriend’s hand): Do you really want to give them 20% of your money?
    Boyfriend: Hmm?
    Girl: You know. (whispers) The asians.

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    Rating: 9.0/10 (2 votes cast)
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