Lora: fake boobs just walked in the library. she is very perky. Alex: would fake boobs WALK into a place, or bounce into a place? Lora: strut i think. boom bada boom bada boom. (and sometime later…) Alex: fake dick just walked into work. followed by his friend, real asshole. Sean: are they into one …
Yearly Archives: 2001
Capitalism at its Best
while watching a commercial for a ridiculous, painted silver dollar – cost: significantly more than a dollar TV: And if you call now you can get this American Flag pin with a quarter molded in. Alex: *mockingly* hey, what did you pay for your quarter? Billy: *answering mockery* I got it free with my 40 …
Terminal Velocities
Narfa5 (2:46:57 PM): stupid physics lab Narfa5 (2:47:07 PM): it hates me and i hate it more JenRHock (2:57:05 PM): i hate you too. Narfa5 (2:57:38 PM): i think you and physics lab would get along well JenRHock (2:58:46 PM): we should have babies. Narfa5 (2:59:03 PM): mmm…little vectors Narfa5 (2:59:42 PM): you could throw …
Peachy Preteens
the conversation (after closing the window 3 times already) (16:47:58) peachesNcreamez: really no joke whats your real name (16:48:18) smcgheek: hey. im trying to get some work done here. would you mind not bothering me? (16:48:56) peachesNcreamez: do you know katie (16:49:22) smcgheek: go do some algebra homework (16:49:30) peachesNcreamez: no (16:49:35) peachesNcreamez: dont have …
My Favorite Gourd
ean: you can’t plant every seed Piper: Oh, Dude…Now you tell me Piper: all that waisted seed Sean: and pumpkin/human hybrids……that’s a no go too Piper: you been fucking pumpkins?! Piper: –silence— Sean: the pumpkin lies! Sean: i never touched that pumpkin.
Good Girl
lora: I played with it until it discharged.
So I Did
stevem: I could carve rock with my nipples right now.
Emotional Rollercoaster
alexatitp: that is really weird SMcGheek: yuppers alexatitp: yuppers? SMcGheek: yup alexatitp: steve, is that you? SMcGheek: ya SMcGheek: i dont know what came over me. im sorry. SMcGheek: [shame] alexatitp: [embarrasment] SMcGheek: [vengance] alexatitp: [fear] SMcGheek: [rage] alexatitp: [dirty underpants] SMcGheek: [slaughter] alexatitp: [death?] SMcGheek: [guilt] SMcGheek: [denial] alexatitp: [haunting] SMcGheek: [acceptance] alexatitp: [appearance …
Upstanding Citizens Part 2
(the night continues…see previous quote) Samantha (fairly intoxicated): I give good head. (everyone starts laughing) Samantha: I do. Jermaine: What?! No you don’t. You give shitty head. (laughter grows) Samantha: Not on humans. Duh. Animals. They’re much easier. With their little weewees. Joe (laughing uncontrollably): Stop stop! I can’t handle anymore. No more animal sex!
Upstanding Citizens Part 1
(while walking in a group down the streets of the local college town) Samantha (approaching random guy): Hey, how’re you doing? Random Guy: Real good. Samantha: What would it take to get you on all fours? Random Guy: Um, a lot. Samantha: That’s too bad. You’re not the goat I’m looking for. Bahhhhh! Bye.
Dick Brownies
Lora: but where is the extra money coming from in order to get this tax cut Lopaka: the tax cut is retro from last year Sean: the extra money is from a government surplus Steve: bake sales Sean: cheney was sweating over the oven for hours with those brownies Lora: that’s my dick Steve: whoa
The Rule of Shame
tobin: you win some, you lose some, and some you just don’t tell people about.
Gay for Beer?
during a peaceful ‘pizza and beer’ outing Tobin: I haven’t seen crack like that since I was gay.
Customer Confusion
While she was working at the KFC drivethru Tessa(my sister): Can I get you anything else this evening? Guy at Drivethru: Nope, and that’ll be to go please.
Women Want Things
tobin: Columbia House is sending me “What Women Want”. The only thing I know about that movie is that “I don’t want it”.
Family Grabbag
Quotes from my family. “Don’t trip over dead chickens”– (is that like ‘don’t cry over spilt milk’?) -As I was taking out the trash, my father came home and this was the first thing he said to me, its hard to explain why. “You big jew!” -My 11 year old sister suddenly yelled this as …
Constant Carry
rehren: i’ll install it after work. rehren: i have the cd in my pocket SMcGheek: hah. ok. SMcGheek: just walkin around with software on you, eh? rehren: always
Handy Down
rehren: handy down parts suck. SMcGheek: its hand-me down. rehren: oh. [later] stevem@redigital:[~] % e “randall said you said you’d go if we went” | al Message from bushwacker@redigital.org on ttyp1 at 15:22 … randall also said ‘handy downs’ EOF
And Playing Left Field…
randall: hey lopaka, do you know who [female name] is? lopaka: nope, i don’t think so. randall: oh… well, she used to be a man.
Jedi Transfer Protocol
rehren: k. ftp only access he has. SMcGheek: thanks yoda.
Work Smerk
Tobin, walking in two and a half hours late for work *looks around blankly* Tobin: … oops. *goes about his business*
Polka Rockin
Dawn, in AIM: “argh! all i want is freaking jungle love by steve miller band! is that too much to ask?” (and later…) “ooh, found steve meisner band: jammin! polkas.” (even later…) “oh yeah, this polka is jammin! “
With Nurse Crotch
“You’re lucky, here at the university we have the foremost researcher on Genital Warts, Dr.Cox.” – Completely serious ‘Human Sexuality’ professor.
Polytheism Wins
“All those gods you made up in your head are figments of your imagination!” – Yelled by a man outside of a concert (Tori Amos, no less) carrying a sign that read “TRUST JESUS OR BURN IN HELL”
Ready for My Closeup
“It doesn’t really matter to me, just as long as it’s tight on my ass.” – some college girl in a laundromat, referring to god knows what
Why Can’t I Stop
“I mean, who is this guy? And why is he watching me get naked?” – A comment from a friend, taken slightly out of context
Sorry, Only Know a Carrows
“You don’t know where Denny’s is? You call yourself men?” – Drunken skanky hos in front of an AM/PM in Riverside, CA (this was said to me and a group of my friends. there is no better way to describe the group of ‘women’ that said this. trust me)
Me Speel Gud
billy: How many “s”es are in “Rodman”?
The Horses are Sore Too
(as Wes stretches after getting off his motorcycle) Wes: Argh…I’m saddle sore from fucking horses.
Eudora Master
alex: does anyone here claim to know eudora well? steve hock: i could claim it, but then i’d be a liar as well as a eudora expert.