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Yearly Archives: 2008

Haggling

(At the Santa Barbara Sunday art walk by the beach, a vaguely hispanic vendor who’s definitely not speaking Spanish sells palm tree seed necklaces for $25) Middle-Aged White Guy: Veinte. Vendor: What? No, it’s $25. Middle-Aged White Guy: Veinte. Vendor: *sigh* Ok, $20. Middle-Aged White Guy: Gracias *pause* Middle-Aged White Guy: Vaya con dios.

Posted bySarahDecember 23, 2008January 27, 2010Posted inpostTags: art walk, santa barbara, spanishLeave a comment on Haggling

Not Painted Donkeys

(while driving through San Simeon, CA on Highway 1) Sarah: What the fuck?! Sean (surprised): What? {Sarah points out the window. Sean looks.} Sean: What the fuck?! {In a field to the side of the freeway are half a dozen Zebras, calmly grazing. ZEBRAS}

Posted bySeanOctober 6, 2008Posted inUncategorizedTags: surprise, zebrasLeave a comment on Not Painted Donkeys

It’s My New IceBreaker

(Tyler enters the bar, covered in a layer of sweat from dancing for hours at a club) Christine: Tyler, you’re really sweaty. Tyler: Christine, you DON’T want to have sex with me. My wife has to hold up dish towels to my face when we do it because I sweat so much. *shocked pause* Tyler …

Continue reading “It’s My New IceBreaker”

Posted bySeanJune 26, 2008February 4, 2010Posted inUncategorizedTags: sex, sweaty, TMILeave a comment on It’s My New IceBreaker

Ring Damn You!

(Heard by people in the lobby while I was complaining about an upgrade) Me: I don’t want to spend Friday night waiting for some dude to call!

Posted byAnonymousMay 30, 2008Posted inUncategorizedTags: waitingLeave a comment on Ring Damn You!

Magic Eye Boobs

(Jen is wearing a dress with a small busy pattern.) Steve: Your dress is making me dizzy. Jen: Sorry, I never realized, since I don’t have to look at it. Steve: It’s like one of those posters with the hidden picture in it. Jen: Ha ha, Magic Eye! Yeah, I’ve got a sailboat hidden over …

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Posted byJenMay 30, 2008Posted inUncategorizedTags: boobs, dizzyLeave a comment on Magic Eye Boobs

So Creepy

Jen: Creepy. Sean: It’s a small and creepy world.

Posted byJenMay 21, 2008Posted inUncategorizedTags: disneyLeave a comment on So Creepy

Shy Hyena?

Steve: I suspect that he misdiagnosed shyness as a hernia.

Posted byJenMay 21, 2008Posted inUncategorizedTags: shyLeave a comment on Shy Hyena?

Just the Rudest

a man wearing a cowboy hat at a night club approaches Jen from behind. he stands inches away, dancing suggestively behind her Christine: Jen, don’t turn around. Jen turns around. Jen (to the cowboy): Fuck off! You’re so very rude! Fuck off! Cowboy stammers a bit, then leaves. later Cowyboy: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean …

Continue reading “Just the Rudest”

Posted bySeanMay 5, 2008Posted inUncategorizedTags: clubbing, rudeLeave a comment on Just the Rudest

Meet the McDickersons

Christine: So I was watching Kill Bill on TBS the other day, and they kept bleeping it when people said Uma Thurman’s character’s name. What was it? Brian: Cunty McDickerson. Christine: Oh. That is pretty bad. Makes sense they had to censor it.

Posted bySeanApril 3, 2008February 4, 2010Posted inUncategorizedTags: moviesLeave a comment on Meet the McDickersons

Squid Enlightenment

Jen: the most deadly of octopus is as but a mewling baby in a death match with chuck norris when compared to the most mild-mannered of the vile squid.

Posted bySeanApril 1, 2008Posted inUncategorizedTags: chuck norris, squidLeave a comment on Squid Enlightenment

Snort Job

(while discussing sexual “oops” moments at the local pub) Brian: ‘Oops’ is a myth even in my most drunken moments. There’s no oops. That would be like a girl saying “Oops, I went down on you with my nostril!” True story, a girl did actually go down on me once with her nostril…

Posted bySeanJanuary 25, 2008February 4, 2010Posted inUncategorizedTags: blowjob, oopsLeave a comment on Snort Job

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