Updates from December, 2008 Toggle Comment Threads | Keyboard Shortcuts

  • Sarah 10:30 am on December 23, 2008 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: art walk, santa barbara, spanish   

    (At the Santa Barbara Sunday art walk by the beach, a vaguely hispanic vendor who’s definitely not speaking Spanish sells palm tree seed necklaces for $25)

    Middle-Aged White Guy: Veinte.
    Vendor: What? No, it’s $25.
    Middle-Aged White Guy: Veinte.
    Vendor: *sigh* Ok, $20.
    Middle-Aged White Guy: Gracias
    Middle-Aged White Guy: Vaya con dios.

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    Rating: 9.0/10 (1 vote cast)
  • Sean 2:41 pm on October 6, 2008 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , zebras   

    (while driving through San Simeon, CA on Highway 1)
    Sarah: What the fuck?!
    Sean (surprised): What?
    {Sarah points out the window. Sean looks.}
    Sean: What the fuck?!

    {In a field to the side of the freeway are half a dozen Zebras, calmly grazing. ZEBRAS}

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  • Sean 3:19 pm on June 26, 2008 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , sweaty,   

    (Tyler enters the bar, covered in a layer of sweat from dancing for hours at a club)

    Christine: Tyler, you’re really sweaty.
    Tyler: Christine, you DON’T want to have sex with me. My wife has to hold up dish towels to my face when we do it because I sweat so much.
    *shocked pause*
    Tyler (gesturing): Hey Sean, come listen to what I just told Christine!

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    Rating: 7.8/10 (4 votes cast)
  • Anonymous 7:04 pm on May 30, 2008 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: waiting   

    (Heard by people in the lobby while I was complaining about an upgrade)

    Me: I don’t want to spend Friday night waiting for some dude to call!

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    Rating: 9.0/10 (1 vote cast)
  • Jen 4:04 pm on May 30, 2008 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , dizzy   

    (Jen is wearing a dress with a small busy pattern.)

    Steve: Your dress is making me dizzy.
    Jen: Sorry, I never realized, since I don’t have to look at it.
    Steve: It’s like one of those posters with the hidden picture in it.
    Jen: Ha ha, Magic Eye! Yeah, I’ve got a sailboat hidden over here on my shoulder.
    Steve (making graphic hand gestures): Does it make, like, your boobs look bigger?
    Jen: HELLO? Inappropriate!
    Steve (musing): That would be GREAT.

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  • Jen 10:16 am on May 21, 2008 Permalink | Reply

    Jen: Creepy.
    Sean: It’s a small and creepy world.

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  • Jen 9:31 am on May 21, 2008 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: shy   

    Steve: I suspect that he misdiagnosed shyness as a hernia.

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  • Sean 11:12 pm on May 5, 2008 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: clubbing,   

    a man wearing a cowboy hat at a night club approaches Jen from behind. he stands inches away, dancing suggestively behind her

    Christine: Jen, don’t turn around.
    Jen turns around.
    Jen (to the cowboy): Fuck off! You’re so very rude! Fuck off!
    Cowboy stammers a bit, then leaves.


    Cowyboy: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude.
    Jen: Then stop being rude!

    even later

    Cowboy (holding unlit cigarette): Hey, do you guys have a light?
    Jen, Christine, Sean: No!

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  • Sean 12:04 pm on April 3, 2008 Permalink | Reply

    Christine: So I was watching Kill Bill on TBS the other day, and they kept bleeping it when people said Uma Thurman’s character’s name. What was it?
    Brian: Cunty McDickerson.
    Christine: Oh. That is pretty bad. Makes sense they had to censor it.

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    Rating: 8.0/10 (2 votes cast)
  • Sean 2:17 pm on April 1, 2008 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    Jen: the most deadly of octopus is as but a mewling baby in a death match with chuck norris when compared to the most mild-mannered of the vile squid.

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  • Sean 9:53 am on January 25, 2008 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    (while discussing sexual “oops” moments at the local pub)

    Brian: ‘Oops’ is a myth even in my most drunken moments. There’s no oops. That would be like a girl saying “Oops, I went down on you with my nostril!” True story, a girl did actually go down on me once with her nostril…

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    Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast)
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