Updates from May, 2006 Toggle Comment Threads | Keyboard Shortcuts

  • Sean 3:58 pm on May 30, 2006 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: hubris, LOTR, spam,   

    sean: the new trend seems to be viagra emails with random text from LOTR inserted at the end
    jen: so eventually you’ll have the whole book
    sean: “there are a lot more amazed vaginas in this story than i remember from the movie.”
    jen: “Quaking in fear, Frodo beheld the horrible spider. From behind him he heard Sam’s faintly whimper: “Is your vagina as amazed as mine?””
    sean: now that’s literature.
    sean: “The Balrog fell from the bridge, tumbling into the fiery depths of the center of the earth. If only he could have lasted longer with his woman, he might have survived.”
    jen: “Gandalf leaned triumphantly over the edge. “Now THAT’S how you amaze a vagina!” he said with proud satisfaction. Suddenly, the ground beneath his feet began to crumble, and then he too fell into the void. “No!” cried Frodo, while Gimli hung his head in his huge hands. “Truly, Gandalf’s vagina hubris was his undoing.”
    sean: best girl rock band name of the day “Vagina Hubris”
    jen: i rewrote the plot of that bit a little
    sean: i barely noticed. the vagina was interwoven with the regular story quite well
    jen: i work with a public action group whose mission is to insert more vagina into literature.
    sean: i am intrigued by your organization and would like to subscribe to your newsletter
    jen: it’s tricky, but we’re making inroads. you should see what we’ve done with children’s literature – The Berenstain Bears’ First Haircut was particulary successful.

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  • Sean 12:58 pm on May 19, 2006 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , queries,   

    (it continues)

    sean: i found “fucking women”
    jen: wow. so how many of those do you get?
    sean: 17 this month alone
    jen: i think you and i need to have a talk.
    jen: about all these fucking women.
    sean: man, i wish i had a women fucking problem
    jen: i don’t know how to tell you, but when all you’re doing is constantly fucking, women will never get a chance to know the real you.
    sean: that’s a chance i’m willing to take. for awhile at least.
    jen: gah, you broke form! all your sentences must contain the phrase “fucking women” in order for this to bump you up!
    jen: the goal is to make you #1 in fucking women.
    sean: damn! fucking women confused me
    sean: i didn’t know that fucking women were so elusive that one had to google for them
    jen: maybe they’re looking for fucking women techniques
    jen: maybe they live in utah, and you can’t find a fucking woman anywhere. only nonfucking women.
    sean: a damn shame. but i’m not sure a search engine ever helped any with fucking women. especially fucking religious women.
    jen: i can’t stand those fucking women.
    jen: with their vaginas and saving them for jesus.
    sean: jesus isn’t going to do anything with those vaginas! what a fucking waste. women. bah.
    jen: poor jesus.
    sean: he should really clue those women in. there’s a guy on google who could use that vagina.

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  • Sean 12:57 pm on May 19, 2006 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , john candy,   

    (search queries)

    sean: ah, here’s one of yours: cool runnings plot point
    jen: wait, they were searching for ANY plot point?
    sean: yup. and THREE people searched for that so far this month
    jen: fucking awesome! you don’t know what # you were, by any chance?
    sean: shows up as #2 on mine
    sean: only being beaten by the fucking IMDB ENTRY
    jen: clearly there isn’t enough discourse going on regarding the plot of Cool Runnings.
    sean: you have the Jamaican power jen!
    jen: i do! i totally do!
    jen: did you know that in lieu of pay, John Candy actually worked for scotch?
    jen: so those scenes where he looked hung over, he was actually hung over. he worked Method.
    sean: i would say that sounds like an excellent plan, but he also died on the set of a film
    jen: well, sometimes you sacrifice all for your craft.

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  • Sean 2:20 pm on May 18, 2006 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: abortion, ,   

    jen: I wonder if there’s any way we can ensure that we stay on top of the Ron Silver Abortion game.
    jen: which would be an awesome, yet deeply disturbing, home game.
    jen: the object of the game is to not roll Ron Silver.
    sean: the packaging would be….outstanding
    sean: “i rolled an abortion! i get to move past time cop and go directly to the west wing!”
    jen: but if you roll snakeeyes, watch out! detour into schlocky B vampire movie!
    sean: “crap, mistaken for dennis miller. go back 3 spaces!”
    jen: this is one of those times when i wish i knew more about ron silver.
    jen: of course, at all other times i’m glad i don’t. yet…
    sean: i’ve pretty much exhausted my knowledge of him. we’d have to make up the rest to fill out the abortion game.
    jen: personally i can’t get over the idea of rolling a Ron Silver, then having him roar into your living room to perform an abortion
    jen: although that would probably only happen in the commercial. at the end they’d have to put a disclaimer: “Ron Silver does not actually roar into your living room to perform an abortion.”
    jen: also in this scenario, for some reason i’m thinking of Al Pacino instead of Ron Silver.
    sean: hooooha!
    sean: now that’s an overly enthusiastic abortion
    jen: I was very excited to learn I wasn’t going to get an abortion from Ron Silver.

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