Renowned Storytime Part 1

Sean has forwarded Jen an article ( An IM conversation happens.

Sean: “Renowned systems administrator Sean sat down in his second floor office. He lunged for the keyboard, because lunging is a much better word then ‘reached’.”

Jen: “At the sound of a tapping in the doorway Sean froze and whirled around in his chair, bloodshot eyes from anxiety and bourbon widening in his head. In Sean, the renowned system administrator’s door, was the silhouette of a bird. The light was almost too dim to see that the bird was wearing a tiny argyle sweater.”

Sean: “The bird, whose name ‘Flashmaster Jay’ was embroidered on his tight-fitting argyle sweater, seemed to look through the system administrator’s soul. Sean fidgeted and adjusted his lime green polo shirt and his black slacks. Bourbon and pornography would be of no use to him here and now. It was but him and the tapping Flashmaster Jay in his second floor office.”

Jen: “The systems administrator lunged for his keyboard, remembered he was already holding it, and placed it carefully on his desk. Then the renowned person lunged for it again.
You’ll never get what you’ve come for,” Sean hissed from between terrified teeth.
The bird smiled toothily, tapped his cornob pipe on the doorframe, and cocked his beady head. “Sean, Renowned System Administrator, I presume?””

Sean: “Sean’s terror stricken face struck a proud pose for a moment. He was proud to know the renown of Sean had spread to the argyle sweater wearing animal kingdom community. The system administrator gently stroked his non-existent beard, trying to appear calmer than he actually was.”

Jen: “Well, Monsieur Jay,” Sean said, his formidable logical mind firing up and calulating with a speed faster than a formidable supercomputer, “I suppose this means you’ve already spoken with Allison.”
The bird’s grin faded and he cocked his tiny, pointy head. “Allison? I don’t believe I know who that is.”
“Checkmate!” crowed the system administrator victoriously, “for you would never have located my sanctum if you had not spoken first to Allison!”
“Oh, Allison,” said the bird, brightly and with a murderous red gleam in his tiny beady eye. “Was she previously attached to this?”
From the pocket of his sweater, the bird produced a single human eyeball, dangling from its own optic nerve, holding it aloft after carefully placing his pipe between the top and bottom halves of his birdlike beak.

Sean: “Nooooooooooooooo,” Sean belted out, like a showtune, only sadder. “She was surely using that eyeball to see! You maniacal maniac bird!”

Jen: “I’m sorry,” said Flashmaster Jay as he carefully placed the eyeball back in his pocket, “but your words do not sway me or my mission, which is from God and who also can not be swayed. For you see, I am a maniac.”

Sean: …to be continued! this excellent fiction shall make its way to the quotes page tomorrow.

Jen: screw you, i’m quoting it now. you can quote tomorrow’s edition.

Sean: ha, fine then. quote away.

Jen: i will

Sean: good then

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