The Burger King of England

lamont: Taco Bell has no bell
demonhood: mcdonalds is not irish
demonhood: or scottish even
lamont: Pizza Hut is run by humans not Hutts
demonhood: there is no royalty at burger king
lamont: Jack in the Box and Carl’s Junior are both utterly perverse names
demonhood: wendy’s doesn’t even serve wendy burgers anymore
lamont: And In and Out is no longer what “a hamburger is all about” They’re changing the name to “In and then snuggle a bit”
demonhood: subway lives above ground
lamont: Marie Calendar’s doesn’t know what month it is
demonhood: sizzler boils everything
lamont: Dairy Queen isn’t actually run by lactose intolerant gay men.
demonhood: panda express food is comprised entirely of pandas that weren’t fast enough to get away
lamont: Del Taco is not truly “Of the Taco”
demonhood: olive garden salts the earth after they’ve gotten their produce
lamont: Little Cesaer’s is all that remains of the Roman empire.
demonhood: dominoes builds too closely to tall unstable neighboring establishments
lamont: Don Jose isn’t really a Don
demonhood: Red Robin’s carpet doesn’t match the drapes
lamont: Black Angus is white.
demonhood: outback steakhouse uses indoor plumbing
lamont: Chili’s doesn’t use real baby backs.
lamont: Long John Silvers wears boxers.
demonhood: foster’s freeze serves warm food too
lamont: White Castle is more of a fort.
demonhood: the owner of Chevy’s prefers Fords
lamont: Dunkin’ Donuts can only do layups
demonhood: Krispy Kremes was actually started by a man named Krispy.

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