food | Quotes Page

Too Bad There are Only Ten of Them

Sarah: Mmm, this is the best my fingers have ever tasted.

Unusual Food Delivery

(while at a fancy dinner) Sarah: Oh my god! It just shit a banana!

(inside local restaurant – lunchtime) Christine (sniffing): Hey, it smells like bacon in here. Shasta (sniffing): Hmm, It does smell like bacon. *Shasta spots a uniformed police officer grabbing a soda a few feet away.* Christine: Yeah, totally smells like bacon. Shasta (quietly): Shhhhhh. Christine: What? Why? Shasta (quietly): Shhhhhh. I’ll explain in a minute. …

Continue reading “So Much Bacon”

Lambcakes?

(While playing Texas Hold-em poker) {Max turns over a 4 on the flop} Steve Y.: Damnit! That’s the meat in my pancakes. Everyone: You eat meat in your pancakes?

And Maybe Cottage Cheese

sean: two things I hate – Hitler and yogurt!

Better than Tobasco

Steve: I’m drowning in worcestershire sauce! Jen: Delicious death. Steve: Delicious like a foxburger!

Koala

(at dinner on a cruise ship) Shasta: This kahlua cake doesn’t taste much like kahlua. Sean: I thought you said koala cake. That doesn’t seem tasty. Shasta: Aww. Poor koalas. Billy: Man, koalas will mess you up!

The Burger King of England

lamont: Taco Bell has no bell demonhood: mcdonalds is not irish demonhood: or scottish even lamont: Pizza Hut is run by humans not Hutts demonhood: there is no royalty at burger king lamont: Jack in the Box and Carl’s Junior are both utterly perverse names demonhood: wendy’s doesn’t even serve wendy burgers anymore lamont: And …

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Holy Kernels

(while walking thru an outdoor shopping center) Popcorn Vendor (calling out): Free samples, if you’d like to taste! Tessa: Did he just say “Free samples, for Christ’s sake.” ? Max: I don’t think so. Sean:: But that’d be a unique way to sell popcorn. Invoking the name of Jesus Christ.

Until I Get a Camera

(while reaching for some brie at a holiday party, his arm precariously close to being burned) Alex: uh oh. I don’t think I should be cutting the cheese over these candles.

My Favorite Gourd

ean: you can’t plant every seed Piper: Oh, Dude…Now you tell me Piper: all that waisted seed Sean: and pumpkin/human hybrids……that’s a no go too Piper: you been fucking pumpkins?! Piper: –silence— Sean: the pumpkin lies! Sean: i never touched that pumpkin.

With Cinnamon

Tobin: Mmm, dick bread.

Tobin’s Digest

Tobin: This is Tobin’s stomach, if you don’t give him a break soon I’m going to start digesting him, and you’re next, tough guy!

Mess Maker

Alex: Teriyaki makes me messy. Sean: I thought everything made you messy. (and later…) Alex: If I would think for about two seconds, I might not be on the quotes page so often…quit giggling!