Sarah: Why did we come into the mall? Sean: Because we hate people? Steve: Hating people burns a lot of calories. Look at Hitler, he wasn’t overweight. Sean: Wasn’t he a vegetarian though? Steve: That may have had something to do with it. Sean: I wonder why he didn’t eat meat. It certainly wasn’t for …
Yearly Archives: 2011
Barely Worse than the Flu
Satya: He told me it was a really mild case of Ebola. (later) Satya: After he left I sprayed the whole place down with Lysol.
Especially for the Slug
Sarah: Nothing takes the romance out of a moment like stepping on a slug. (runs off into the bathroom to wipe off her foot)
The Circle of Hipster Life
(two hipster skater guys at breakfast) Guy:Would you like to see the Lion King 3D with me tonight? I’ll hold your hand.
For the Science Fair
(guy standing in the street, talking on his phone) Guy: What is it? Um, well, it’s a beer pong tournament. You know, for school.
Assorted Chicken Parts
(employee trying to upsell additional items at a chinese restaurant) Employee: Would you like our bbq chicken? Beth: Is it white meat or dark meat? Employee: It’s teriyaki!
Dick Panini
Jen: i think we have plans to go look at cars Sean: babymobiles? Jen: REGULAR CARS Sean: dodge minivan complete with a BABY ON BOARD placard Jen: eat ten dicks Sean: that’s so many. i’m not even hungry Jen:well you should have thought of that before you got all smarty on me now you got …
For Water or Milk
(While driving down the road, past a woman carrying 2 large empty water bottles) Sarah (screaming out the window): Nice jugs!
Beg for More
Jen: you just need to do one impulsively ill advised thing, and see what it tastes like. (hopefully it won’t taste like hobo cock.)
With Teeth
(passing by a college student on her phone) Woman: No no. I was surrounded by a bunch of pretentious cunts.