Alex: I love calling the new consultants and having them be scared of me on the phone. Sean: (pretending to call consultant) “I’m outside your window! I know you’re there! Is that your girlfriend? SHE’S PRETTY!”
Author Archives: Alex
I Even Brought in Clothes
Randall: (in the office, to Jennifer) Why don’t you go home? Jennifer: (in meek voice) I AM home.
Word Limit Reached
Jen: Oh shoot, I just go- duh- bu- ah- gu- … damn. I ran out of words.
Toilet Clogged
Randall: I go to Raging Waters every other friday to relieve myself
Or Hell
Phil: It’s cool, unless you start staring at red lights all night long. Sean: Cause that means you’re at a whorehouse!
I Have an Equation
Lora: Could you date someone of below average attractiveness? Ado: Look, either you’re attracted to someone, or you aren’t! Billy: Wellllll, it depends on how much money they have.
It’s Me, Not You
Response to one of Ado’s emails: Hi. This is the qmail-send program at as.ucsb.edu. I’m afraid I wasn’t able to deliver your message to the following addresses. This is a permanent error; I’ve given up. Sorry it didn’t work out. Ado: I think my email just broke up with me.
Mmm, Monkey Brains
Ado: Doo doo doo, Monkey Brains, Monkey Brains…. Never has anything looked so gross but tasted soooo good.
Page me Again!
(as the pager beeps) Billy: Ah yes, and the party begins in my pants.
Dance For Me!
Randall: Wait, how am I dead? Wait. Spectators: She shot you! (Christy begins firing and approaching Randall) Randall: Wait. Randall: WAIT! Randall: WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!! (Turns and flees screaming like a little girl)