Updates from Alex Toggle Comment Threads | Keyboard Shortcuts

  • Alex 2:25 pm on December 2, 2005 Permalink | Reply
    Tags:   

    sean: if it can’t tell time AND make your penis bigger, then what use is it?!!

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  • Alex 4:04 pm on November 2, 2005 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: nostalgia,   

    referring to something dorky

    sean: i haven’t seen dork like that since junior high gym class!

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  • Alex 9:51 am on January 18, 2005 Permalink | Reply
    Tags:   

    * watching exercise equipment infomercial with CHUCK NORRIS and CHRISTY BRINKLEY *

    Christy Brinkley: It’s been a tough day of working out, Chuck!
    Chuck Norris: It sure has been!

    Sean: Hahahaha… “has beens.”

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  • Alex 3:59 pm on November 10, 2004 Permalink | Reply
    Tags:   

    steve m: ouch. boner burn!

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  • Alex 11:15 am on November 10, 2004 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: group sex   

    sean: as long as it ends in a threesome, i don’t care.

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  • Alex 7:11 pm on April 1, 2004 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: bizarro,   

    discussing a bizarro group of friends, just like ours

    sean: we should fight them.
    alex: do you have any idea what that could do to the universe?
    sean: screw the universe, this is about reputation.

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  • Alex 10:43 pm on March 8, 2004 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , reading, writing   

    tobin: writing, it’s like reading, but you don’t know what it says until you make it.

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  • Alex 10:11 pm on December 2, 2003 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: wang,   

    discussing Britney Spears, the almighty
    tobin:
    “She’s so cold, she’s hot.
    She’s so hot, she’s cold.
    She’s so yin, she’s yang.
    And now to wax my wang.”

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  • Alex 10:11 pm on September 11, 2003 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    tobin:
    I think I prefer “songs to which one ought to eat twat” for an album title, reserving “cunilingus ditty” for the hit single.

    Other songs include “greasy smile”, “it only smells like fish”, “I found the boat, where’s the man”, and the anthem sing-a-long “tasty pink taco”

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  • Alex 10:11 pm on September 6, 2003 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: kissing   

    *emulating her childhood self*

    Andria: When I have a boyfriend, I want to kiss him on a boat.

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  • Alex 9:04 pm on July 15, 2003 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: movie critics   

    colin (the sailor): “Pirates of the Caribbean” has got to be the best movie since “Captain Ron”!

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  • Alex 11:20 am on June 25, 2003 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , life lessons   

    jen: if everybody had very nice lives, we’d all run out of reasons to drink.

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  • Alex 9:31 pm on February 3, 2003 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: smells   

    eating chocolate, jen sneezes violently

    jen: ACHOO! whoa, I think I got chocolate in my nose… *looks around*… smells good in here.

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  • Alex 10:56 pm on January 24, 2003 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: sex toys   

    alex: have you heard of those dildos that you strap onto your chin?
    jen: you mean the “Leno Dildo”?

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  • Alex 1:16 pm on October 17, 2002 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , superman   

    steve: I wanna be Superman for Christmas.

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  • Alex 10:46 pm on August 27, 2002 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: slurpee   

    jess: i’m enjoying this slurpee on a whole new level that slurpees shouldn’t be enjoyed on!

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  • Alex 4:04 pm on August 23, 2002 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: retards,   

    on her day at work:
    Jen: I frolick in a sea of bastard retards.

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  • Alex 11:27 am on August 20, 2002 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: hockey,   

    sean: yup. hockey is on
    alex: yea, hockey is where it’s at
    sean: hockey is da place
    alex: hockey in ya face
    sean: hockey – it’s a pants thing
    alex: hockey – not just for cows anymore
    sean: hockey – 4 out of 5 dentists agree, it’s greeeeaaat!
    alex: it would take 10 games of monopoly to equal the amount of hotels you can build in just one game of hockey!
    alex: women have one period a month, hockey has three in a night!
    sean: we’ve replaced alex’s golf with hockey, let’s see if he notices the difference..
    sean: when your wife leaves you, your truck breaks down, and your dog dies, turn to hockey. country music will only depress you
    alex: do sports really have the ability to hurt, mame, and kill you? sports do. -hockey
    sean: H E Double Hockey Sticks. Hockey, the choice of sport for the underworld
    alex: hockey: play it, you pussy
    sean: hockey: if you’re not bleeding and bruised, you’re not playing it right
    alex: hockey: teeth optional
    sean: this isn’t your mom’s hockey
    alex: hockey: it’s like soccer, but fun.
    sean: hockey: it’s like sex, but with more padding and a mouthguard. and slightly less penetration
    alex: on the road of life there is opera, and there is hockey. opera sucks
    sean: i came here to chew bubblegum and play hockey. and i’m all outta bubblegum
    alex: if you like to crush the competition, work in a team, go for the gold, and play to win: join the rowing team. if you like to fight: play hockey
    sean: chickens have no lips, worms have no arms, and football players have no necks. stop thinking about body parts and pick up your god damned hockey stick already
    sean: hockey: i ain’t wearin’ this cup because it’s fashionable
    alex: hockey: big gloves, big skates, big sticks… you figure it out
    alex: in the game of life you can be anything you want to be. but wouldn’t you just rather play hockey?
    sean: hockey: when we’re not making lists, we’re kicking your asses

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  • Alex 9:00 am on August 12, 2002 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , lasers   

    alexatitp: laser tag bazooka?
    DEM0NH00D: hehe, that’s just nuts
    alexatitp: laser tag nerve gas
    alexatitp: laser tag demoralizing propoganda…
    DEM0NH00D: laser tag barbed wire
    DEM0NH00D: laser tag suicide pill
    alexatitp: laser tag wartime brothel
    DEM0NH00D: laser tag VD
    alexatitp: laser tag pine box / battleship sea burial kit
    DEM0NH00D: laser tag insignia wrapped over coffin
    alexatitp: laser tag powered automobiles
    DEM0NH00D: laser tag gatorade flavor
    alexatitp: laser tag news night with laser winning anchor, laser tag johnson
    DEM0NH00D: laser tag: invisible beams of pleasure. starring Jenna Jameson

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  • Alex 8:09 pm on July 1, 2002 Permalink | Reply
    Tags:   

    sean: snatch, always a pleasure

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  • Alex 10:09 am on June 10, 2002 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , spork   

    sean: you’re a very helpful man. hell, i was just talking to my doctor the other day, and i told him how helpful you were in removing my spleen with a spork, a dirty rock, and a pair of tongs.

    alex: you didn’t tell him my name, did you?

    sean: no, i sorta passed out.

    alex: exxxxcellent.

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  • Alex 9:43 am on June 4, 2002 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    sean: oh yea, look at my massive 2 inches…

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  • Alex 2:59 pm on May 23, 2002 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: dumb,   

    while discussing stupid coworkers
    alex: how’s work for you? are you getting dumber by being there?
    jen: i’m so dumb now, I could be a professor. i’m so dumb now, i could draft a policy initiative. i could sit on the board of trustees. i could implement a campus wide email system…    i am that dumb.

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  • Alex 10:52 am on May 20, 2002 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: car talk   

    feeding jen a useful car fact for future conversations
    alex:ok, try this: the new SVT Mustang Cobra does zero to sixty in 4.5 seconds and pulls .9 Gs on the skidpad. Those are impressive numbers for 35 thousand dollars…. now you say it.
    jen: the new VCM Cobra does zero to sixty in 42 seconds and pulls 6.9 Gs on the skidpad. all that for 30 grand? impressive.

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  • Alex 10:47 am on May 20, 2002 Permalink | Reply
    Tags:   

    alexatitp (10:45:31 AM): lolly gaggling and tom foolery are sure paths to raddness ruination
    stealthjeffer (10:46:11 AM): i don’t know about you, but i wouldn’t mind gagging lolly.

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  • Alex 10:20 am on March 8, 2002 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    (while watching a seinfeld outtake)
    alex: if i had to be an ugly old man, i’d want to be jerry stiller.
    tobin: if i had to be an ugly old man… i’d want to be your mom.

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  • Alex 12:29 pm on March 5, 2002 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    echo conversation:
    tobin: I’ll go grab one.
    alex: grab something else for me, would ya? MY NUTS

    tobin: where’d you leave ’em? I couldn’t find ’em in their regular place…. MY CHIN

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  • Alex 4:14 pm on February 20, 2002 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: shotgun, ,   

    jen: shotgun, bang! what’s up with sean’s thang?
    alex: i wanna know? where does he sit?
    jen: wait up, hold up, mr. driver! like Chewbacca, he’s a sexy navigator!

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  • Alex 10:55 pm on November 5, 2001 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: america, dollar   

    while watching a commercial for a ridiculous, painted silver dollar – cost: significantly more than a dollar

    TV: And if you call now you can get this American Flag pin with a quarter molded in.

    Alex: *mockingly* hey, what did you pay for your quarter?

    Billy: *answering mockery* I got it free with my 40 dollar dollar!

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  • Alex 8:12 am on August 20, 2001 Permalink | Reply
    Tags:   

    lora: I played with it until it discharged.

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