(while talking on the phone) Sarah: So you want me to pick you up some blueberry oatmeal? Sean: What? Did you say bloobies? Sarah: No. What are bloobies? Sean: Sounds like a combination of blueberry and boobies. Sarah: Ugh. Sean: Smurf tits! Sarah: You’re disgusting.
Yearly Archives: 2009
Frumpy Sexy Sorceror
Jen: there is an ad on a webpage that says “Shop Now! Adult Costumes”, but the lady in the picture is fully clothed and dressed as just a slightly bosomy Queen of Hearts so i am confused. is this an online store for grown-up sized costumes, or a store where i can buy costumes to …
Alien 0: Rise of the Riser
(discussing the possibility of an Alien prequel) Jen: prequel? who could possibly be interested in that crap Jen: Alien 0: Gassing Up the Nostromo Alien 0: Some Random Aliens Crashed into a Planet Sean: Alien 0: Man, Tom Skerritt looks old Alien 0: Ripley Picks out a Cat at the Intergalactic Humane Society Jen: Alien …
Unusual Food Delivery
(while at a fancy dinner) Sarah: Oh my god! It just shit a banana!
And Give up the Drugs?
(while discussing the FDA’s new power over cigarettes) Sean: They should separate the Drugs from the FDA. They should just do food. Brian: Right, so what does the FDA even regulate now? Sean: Things you put in your mouth? Brian: Bah. They should be the Food and Dick Administration. Sean: Uhh… Brian: Wait, not that …
Turkey Island
Sean (said with a lilting lisp): “It’s a sandwich from Turkey Island. It’s a magical place where turkeys roam free and then turn into sandwiches.”
Huge Pinkies
Me: “Fuck! I just cmd-Q’d firefox on accident AGAIN!” Sean: “You should look into smaller fingers.” Me: “Are you saying I have fat pinkies!”
Sun Worship
{while walking down steps to the local beach on a beautiful day} Overly tan woman (enthusiastically): Hey! You guys must be down here to get a tan! [Sean and Dawn look at their own pale skin] Tan woman (still enthusiastic): Are you here from one of the cold countries?! [Awkward pause] Dawn: Um…no. [Tan woman …
Lease to Own?
Chris: I should totally rent a midget! Max: You can’t “rent” a midget. Chris: Can I rent a dwarf? Max: You can’t rent people. Chris: I’ve been to Thailand, yes you can.
Who’s the Lettuce
Christine: I can drive. Sean: Cool. Christine: So it’ll be you, me, Paka, Vince and Brian in my car. {Vince walks up} Christine: I’m gonna be in a man sandwich all day! Vince: What the hell!
They’ll Spend it on Math!
(an asian sorority is giving out fundraiser fliers for Panda Express.) (meanwhile, in line) Girl (eyeing form in boyfriend’s hand): Do you really want to give them 20% of your money? Boyfriend: Hmm? Girl: You know. (whispers) The asians.