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  • Jen 9:55 pm on April 9, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: acting, , movies,   

    Jen: Hey, nobody’s talking about the Klan here. I just indicated that us white people had a meeting where we decided what kinds of actors we like.
    Torrell: That’s true, Mexicans do the same thing.
    Jen: La Raza!
    Torrell: No, we get our business done at quinceañeras.

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  • Jen 9:45 pm on April 9, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: movies,   

    Jen: What are you watching?
    Torrell: Marine 2.
    Jen: Who’s in it?
    Torrell: I don’t know. You might recognize him, though. He looks like the kind of action-type actor that white people would like.

    (After careful consideration of the main character.)
    Jen: Nope, sorry. I don’t recognize that guy. He must not have been at the last white peoples’ meeting.
    Torrell: You’re talking about the Klan, right?

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  • Sean 4:18 pm on September 10, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: movies, titles   

    (discussing the possibility of an Alien prequel)

    Jen: prequel? who could possibly be interested in that crap
    Jen: Alien 0: Gassing Up the Nostromo
    Alien 0: Some Random Aliens Crashed into a Planet

    Sean: Alien 0: Man, Tom Skerritt looks old
    Alien 0: Ripley Picks out a Cat at the Intergalactic Humane Society

    Jen: Alien 0: Suspicious New Doctor
    Alien 0: Ripley Plans a Birthday Party for Next Year

    Sean: we’ll see her opening up a storage bag with some of those trick birthday candles in it.
    but the joke will be on her.
    since, ya know, it’s like 80 years later.

    Jen: it was her daughter’s birthday
    “wah wah wah, i promised her i’d be home for her 10th birthday! wah wah wah, daughter is dead.”

    Sean: that’ll teach her to procreate and then get attacked by an unscrupulous robot doctor controlled by a mega-corporation hellbent on studying an interesting but deadly new creature

    Jen: Step 3: ???
    Step 4: Profit!
    seriously that step 3 was always the problem for me with the aliens.
    Step 1: Aliens.
    Step 2: Paul Reiser.

    Sean: Step 3 involved leaving the room and snorting a lot of coke

    Jen: that’s some good screenwriting.

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  • Sean 12:04 pm on April 3, 2008 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: movies   

    Christine: So I was watching Kill Bill on TBS the other day, and they kept bleeping it when people said Uma Thurman’s character’s name. What was it?
    Brian: Cunty McDickerson.
    Christine: Oh. That is pretty bad. Makes sense they had to censor it.

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  • Jen 10:46 am on December 24, 2007 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: movies, war   

    Steve: I got an email from Matt yesterday. He said that nobody in his unit had ever seen “The Dark Crystal”.
    Jen: I thought you were going to say “real combat”.
    Steve: That too.

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  • Jen 3:57 pm on February 20, 2007 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: movies   

    Alien vs Predator Game hits a snag in the retelling

    Jen: I feel bad that gremlins got cut. maybe we SHOULD take out terminator. Wait – I know how to resolve this. Gremlins vs. Terminator!
    Sean: That’d take a shitload of gremlins.
    Jen: Fine, fine: A Shitload of Gremlins vs The Original Terminator!
    Sean: They’d probably fiddle with his circuitry before he could squish them all. Gremlins win!
    Jen: That’s a movie I’d like to see.

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  • Sean 9:54 am on January 27, 2006 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: movies, sequels   

    (while perusing an upcoming movie sequel site)

    jen: “Charlie’s Angels 3 is going to be a lot more like the TV series. And I am absolutely thrilled that my good friend John Travolta is going to have a cameo role!”
    jen: that screaming sound you hear is my brains exiting my skull at high velocity.
    jen: “Die Hard 4.0: John McClane is retired from the police force in this fourth installment, with computers will figure largely in the story line.”
    jen: a futuristic computing device, you say!
    sean: “The Brazilian Job” {sequel to The Italian Job}
    sean: Marky Mark takes on his most devious enemy yet…the bikini line!
    jen: Indiana Jones 4: The Adventure of Making This Movie Before the Principal Cast DIES
    jen: “Update of the 1979 vampire film Love at First Bite about Dracula who moves to New York to find a bride. “Second Bite” takes place 25 years later, centering on Dracula’s Americanized son, who has rejected his family’s heritage and is getting married to a human. Trouble ensues when he learns that his vampire relatives are coming to America for the wedding”
    jen: It’s a comedy of errors!
    sean: holy shit, i thought you were kidding. that’s…that’s not right
    jen: spiderman 3: with topher grace as the new villain, “Dr. Daintyfop”!
    sean: Straight Out of Compton 2
    Cast: Blair Underwood, Blair Underwood, Blair Underwood
    sean: that’s a lot of underwood
    sean: Usual Suspects 2: Searching For Keyser Soze & His Bags of Sequel Money

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  • Jen 5:28 pm on December 25, 2005 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , movies   

    Mom: What’s the name of that movie…”Silent Runnings”? You know, that one with the Puerto Rican luge team.
    Jen: You mean the Jamaican bobsled team?
    Mom: No, it was a Puerto Rican luge. “Silent Runnings,” right?
    Steve: Cool Runnings. With the Jamaican bobsled team.
    Mom: Right, Cool Runnings.

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  • Jen 10:30 am on December 14, 2005 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: movies, , time cop   

    [online debate. subject: Time Travel.]

    Jen: if watching Back to the Future taught me anything, it’s that your past and future selves cannot meet, or else you destroy the universe.
    Sean: i dunno. if i take Timecop as gospel (and why wouldn’t i?!), then they couldn’t fight because they’d cancel each other out and cease to exist if they touched. poor Ron Silver.
    Jen: interesting. but if they exist in the same moment, why does touching even matter?
    Sean: something about the same object not being able to exist in the same space. van damme probably did the splits to distract from this plot point.
    Jen: but they DON’T exist in the same space. they’d only exist in the same space if Ron Silver A’s atoms materialized in the EXACT SAME place as Ron Silver B’s, and in that case Ron Silver A would probably explode or something anyway.
    Sean: i guess touching was enough of an overlap to cause problems. it’s not like they were making out or anything. just a bump.
    Jen: if Ron Silver A is just fighting Ron Silver B, their molecules don’t exist in the same place at the same time at all – they’re just foxyboxing. i find this “Timecop” premise ludicrous.
    Sean: in van damme’s universe, it was close enough.
    Jen: but it’s NOT close enough!
    Sean: the universe rounds up.

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  • Jen 10:10 am on November 23, 2004 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: age, movies   

    (Note: Stephen is 21 years old.)
    Stephen (answering a quiz question): Men in Black?
    Jen: Nope. You’re close.
    Stephen: Men in Black II.
    Jen: Right.
    Stephen: Sheesh. Who knew numbers were sooooo important? I didn’t. That’s why I’m 43 years old.

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  • Sean 11:27 am on April 13, 2004 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , movies, princess bride   

    from another site:
    The Two Things about World Conquest:
    1. Divide and Conquer.
    2. Never invade Russia in the winter.

    from jen and sean:
    3. “Never get in a land war in Asia”
    4. Never challenge a Sicilian, when death is on the line.
    5. “Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ….. ha! *dead*
    6. Poison both the goblets.
    7. Build up immunity to iocaine powder.
    8. Call bitchy ex-girlfriend a tramp.
    9. Slap supposed kidnapper.
    10. Roll down hill.
    11. “As….you…..wiiiiiishhhhh!”
    12. Wonder what you saw in that horsey-faced girl in the first place.
    13. Choose girl over rodents of unusual size. But it was close.
    14. Be a man of action. Lies do not become you.
    15. Get year of life sucked out of you. It tingles.
    16. Go back to the beginning.
    17. Albinos have soft heads.
    18. “Mawwiage.”
    19. Holocaust cloaks are handy for bbqs and party tricks.
    20. Only be mostly dead.
    21. True love and gambling are closely related.
    22. I’m not a witch, I’m your wife.
    23. “Good luck storming the castle!”
    24. Destroy your perfect breasts.
    25. “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die.”
    26. “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die. Ouch.”
    27. “Stop saying that!”
    28. Offer him money.
    29. Offer him power.
    30. Offer him anything.
    30. Offer him everything he asks for and more.
    31. He wants his father back, you son of a bitch.
    32. Kill him. Revenge is sweet.
    33. Threaten to cut off the prince’s appendages. Minus the ears.
    34. Nah, he’s bluffing.
    35. “Drop….your….sword.”
    36. Wet yourself.
    37. Collapse onto bed as girlfriend and lackey tie up bad guy.
    38. Wonder why girlfriend is so dense.
    39. Hope girlfriend is more enlightened in bed.
    (After all this crap, she’d better be the Mata Hari.)
    40. Hey, four white horses.
    41. That story wasn’t so bad Columbo..err..granddad.
    42. The end. Or is it? (Dum dum dummmmmm)
    43. Cue studio exec, 15 years later, pitching idea for “The Princess Daughter” about 15 year old rebelling against her parents. She runs away and has an adventure with Inigo and the gentle giant now played by Hulk Hogan.

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  • Sean 8:21 pm on October 29, 2002 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: movies,   

    (most of us had recently seen the new movie ‘The Ring’)

    lopaka: …7 days…
    sean: cleaning a broom closet takes…7 days
    jen: dissolving a body in acid takes…7 days
    lopaka: 1 week is … 7 days
    jen: 7 hours at work feels like…7 days
    sean: the common cold can last…for 7 days
    jen: lopaka, what really happens in 7 days?
    sean: lopaka has not had a bowel movement..in 7 days
    jen: TMI alert!

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  • Alex 9:50 am on February 28, 2001 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: movies   

    (on the movie “Art of War”
    Jen: Half man, half vampire, Wesley Snipes is Vampire 57!

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  • Jen 8:55 am on April 18, 2000 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: movies,   

    Christine: He was so cute…”You’re the cutest little Nazi I ever saw.”

    (Regarding Edward Norton in American History X)

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  • Christy 5:32 pm on May 30, 1999 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , movies   

    Wes: I didn’t really like it [The Usual Suspects].
    Sean: It won best screenplay bitch.

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