(passing by a college student on her phone) Woman: No no. I was surrounded by a bunch of pretentious cunts.
Tag Archives: college
Multiple Choice
(students chatting about classes and tests) Excitable Student: Oh man, I love multiple choice. I always pass those. Scantrons and all that. Multiple choice is my shit!
Only the Rich Wash Regularly
(a college couple observes a bunch of male students playing soccer in the mud) Boyfriend: Eww. Girlfriend: They’re probably rich kids. They can afford to do laundry. Boyfriend: Oh.
I’m His Doctor
(as a Gunther concert lets out and the crowd disperses) Random Male Student: I’m not sure yet. He did ask me to taste his semen.
Pussy Squared?
(overheard on campus) Woman 1: It was the cat’s meow! Woman 2: I thought it was the cat’s pajamas. Woman 1: The cat’s vagina? Woman 2: Yeah, that’s totally it.
Upstanding Citizens Part 2
(the night continues…see previous quote) Samantha (fairly intoxicated): I give good head. (everyone starts laughing) Samantha: I do. Jermaine: What?! No you don’t. You give shitty head. (laughter grows) Samantha: Not on humans. Duh. Animals. They’re much easier. With their little weewees. Joe (laughing uncontrollably): Stop stop! I can’t handle anymore. No more animal sex!
Upstanding Citizens Part 1
(while walking in a group down the streets of the local college town) Samantha (approaching random guy): Hey, how’re you doing? Random Guy: Real good. Samantha: What would it take to get you on all fours? Random Guy: Um, a lot. Samantha: That’s too bad. You’re not the goat I’m looking for. Bahhhhh! Bye.
With Nurse Crotch
“You’re lucky, here at the university we have the foremost researcher on Genital Warts, Dr.Cox.” – Completely serious ‘Human Sexuality’ professor.
Ready for My Closeup
“It doesn’t really matter to me, just as long as it’s tight on my ass.” – some college girl in a laundromat, referring to god knows what
No Maps Though
(from the little yellow sheet at Jen’s b’day.) (in regards to Gabe’s much maligned major) So, if a geography major gets lost, does he get kicked out of the major? –sean No, they just give him a rock hammer and call it close enough. –anon
Presentation Skillz
Sean: Hello, this is professor klumfudder. i would like to file a complaint about one of your student presentors for my class. i think his name was Tommy Square or something. the point is, he came into the presentation stinking ass drunk. he slurred his speech, and when one of my students asked what your …
Pass Times
Sean: When you can hear the ocean, that means you’re no longer connected to RBT. Alex: It also means you’re drowning. Sean: Which is less of a concern.
Now, Dead Babies…
(While enduring a long, silent wait on RBT.) Jen: Should I hang up and call again? Sean and Alex: NO! Alex: That’s not even funny to joke about.
I Left My Email There
USER: I am having problems with my email. MIKA: What is your address? USER: 6### Del Playa.