stevem: I could carve rock with my nipples right now.
Author Archives: Alex
The Rule of Shame
tobin: you win some, you lose some, and some you just don’t tell people about.
Women Want Things
tobin: Columbia House is sending me “What Women Want”. The only thing I know about that movie is that “I don’t want it”.
And Playing Left Field…
randall: hey lopaka, do you know who [female name] is? lopaka: nope, i don’t think so. randall: oh… well, she used to be a man.
Work Smerk
Tobin, walking in two and a half hours late for work *looks around blankly* Tobin: … oops. *goes about his business*
Me Speel Gud
billy: How many “s”es are in “Rodman”?
Eudora Master
alex: does anyone here claim to know eudora well? steve hock: i could claim it, but then i’d be a liar as well as a eudora expert.
It Almost Works Too
*bored at work, singing garth brooks* alex: “troubles I forgot ’em, I buried ’em in the sand. So bring me two pina coladas…” *pause* alex: line? tobin: “heeeeey macarena!”
McFly
alex: We need an office skateboard here like we had at IC. tobin: Dude, this is the Institute for Theoretical Physics… we need an office hoverboard!
Not a Disney Fan
bored at work, alex sings the mickey mouse club song hoping for backup from sean alex: M I C… sean: r o p h o n e? alex: K E Y… sean: m a s t e r? alex: M O U S E! sean: e r c i s e!
Sinking Feeling
while on a work-out kick alex: I’m going to go get the weights out of the shed in back. stevem: Why, is it getting too heavy?
Snails Take it Slow
sean:… then a snail spoke to me in latin. then i wet myself. then the story ended. did the snail speak to you too alex: he’s speaking to me right now. he says you were a good lay. tobin: wow, he really puts the “go” in escargot!
Ba-Bad
while playing super mario brothers 3 alex: a ba-bomb! *grabs ba-bomb*. let’s go, ba-bomb! *alex dies holding a ba-bomb* billy: you ba-blew it! all: *painful groan* billy: oooo ba-billy…
Why Beat Them Though
sean: we’re good. alex: TOO good. sean: if we were any gooder, we’d have to beat the women off with a stick. and i don’t mean ‘that’ stick.
He Never Wears Pants
alex: some like it hot but some sweat when the heat is on. tobin: some like it cold but some shiver when their pants are gone.
Always Bet on Blood
(on the movie “Art of War” Jen: Half man, half vampire, Wesley Snipes is Vampire 57!
Words are Fun
sean: I’m not into exactities. or real words either
Mirrors are Hilarious
alex: I just laughed at myself. sean: Oh the glory of mirrors. *pause* alex: Mirrors? … jerk!
One Day I’ll Get To It
Andy: So I got this time management book from my birthday, I haven’t had time to read it yet…. ya know, I got it like two years ago…
Fin Fights
Colin: I’m going home, that fish keeps looking at me Alex: I think he wants to fight you… my money’s on the fish, he’s mean. Colin: That’s not fair, he’s not afraid of me
Lost & Yoink!
*As he puts on a jacket from the lost & found* Tobin: Next time someone loses a jacket, they should really lose a size smaller
Echo…echo…echo
Lora: *Pointing at her own head* Do you ever get that “empty feeling” RIGHT HERE?
Humor thru Theft
Billy: Wanna know something disturbing? I called to check my credit card balance and the guy on the phone asked for my account number. When I gave it to him, he said “hee hee hee” and the line went dead.
Desperate Times
Sean: I guess Valentine’s Day brings out the desparation in all of us. Alex: *blank stare* Sean: *apologetic* NOT to say that you’re not an attractive man….
That Many ‘Neeners’?
Sean tells Alex about a segment on Dateline NBC about a kid who was born a boy but raised a girl because his circumcision was botched. Sean: [continued]…hehe, that was the title. Alex: it was called “hehe”? Alex: that’s cruel. Sean: it was called “neener neener neener you don’t gotta weener”
Robin the Player
Sean: cuz gee willickers batman, we shouldn’t have to think hard before we have lunch and screw some groupies
They’re a Lovely People
Randall: Digital Unix? It’s not american. Alex: No, it’s digital. From digitania. Wes: Huh, what are the people from there called? Randall: *matter of fact* Digits!
Wanna Shake my Hand?
Tobin: I just got that sudden urge to go play with my poop again.
I’m Totally Listening
Alex: You ever have an event in life the aftermath of which gives you the ability to relate to sappy sad 80’s songs? Tobin: Yeah…. Tobin: I have no idea what you’re talking about right now.
Lifestyle Choices
Alex: … anyway, I used to think that girl was really cute when I watched that show. Christy: Well I used to think that too, until I decided that I wasn’t a lesbian. Alex: That must have been a hard choice to make. Sean: Yes, but we all have to make that decision at some …