Sean (reading upsetting new additions to quotes page): Let’s see… a couple fucks, a few shits, and a silly ass in a pear tree.
Author Archives: Alex
I Was Promised Fucking!
Jen: !’m n0t g0ing to be d0wn there f0r g@$ping @nd n0 fucking!
Gasping
Jen: I was drinking coke – *gasp* – and then I was laughing – *gasp* – and then the coke was in my throat – *gasp* – and then the coke started going back up my throat – *gasp* – and then I had to lie on the ground and try to make it go …
Nuns Had it Coming
Jen: but would I be a bad person? Alex: no. you’ll have to do better than that. Jen: um….I recently robbed and pillaged a nunnery, and after I turned the nuns out completely nude, and sold the nunnery to a chain of grocery stores. Jen: “St. Albertsons” Alex: that’s pretty good, but still far too …
Scottish Roulette
Alex: You can’t play Russian Roulette with a cap gun, Sean. Sean: SURE you can, you just go deaf.
Presentation Skillz
Sean: Hello, this is professor klumfudder. i would like to file a complaint about one of your student presentors for my class. i think his name was Tommy Square or something. the point is, he came into the presentation stinking ass drunk. he slurred his speech, and when one of my students asked what your …
So Logical
Sean: If I were immortal, I’d become the best skater in the world cause I wouldn’t spend time doing anything else. Alex: Where would you get money to live? Sean: Dude, I’d be immortal. You don’t see any poor immortals around, do you?! Alex: I don’t…. immortals…. I….
So Pissed
Sean (on being a sappy person in a bad mood): And I’m pissed off… that there aren’t more butterflies in the world, damnit!
Easy and Long
Sean: … It’s like making webpages, ya know? It’s easy, but it takes a long time. Jen, Alex, Phil: * mocking, non-understanding laughter * Sean: *upset* But, KILLIN’! that’s quick… it’s just disposing of the body that takes time.
Messy Eaters
Alex: I don’t want the frosting to get on the napkin. Jen: I don’t care where it goes as long as it ends up in my mouth at some point.
Saving Time
(this happens everyday, at 3 million words per second) Andy: Hilloo-thisiz-indy translation: Hello this is Andy
Tobin’s Digest
Tobin: This is Tobin’s stomach, if you don’t give him a break soon I’m going to start digesting him, and you’re next, tough guy!
And the Left Nipple?
Christy: There’s nothing wrong with nipple. Steve: Nope. In fact, there’s something quite RIGHT with it.
Then Press ‘Enlarge’
“anonymous”: I’m gonna drop my boys on the scanner. hee heeeee!!
Ooh, Hard to Get
Alex: I hear female voices Wes: I like females!!!! Jen: *sheepishly turns away and leaves with fear in her eyes*
That’s My Job
Sean: Don’t bite stumpy!
Says So on the Box
Jen: whoa, those are masturbationarific!
Split Greetings
Jen: tell [Jen] that I said hello. Alex: ok, Jen says hello… that was weird. Jen: you’re telling us!
Seldom Sour
Andy: A piece of ass is always sweet.
Self Involved
Christy: I might go to the play by myself. Sean: You can’t go to a play with yourself. I mean, what would the two of you talk about? Christy: ummm, me.
Multimedia Strippers?
Alex: Hey Tobin, anything you need in the NMC? Tobin: Hmmm…. not really, maybe a stripper and some beer, but I’d settle for someone to come in and use the damn lab and ask questions.
Cat Secrets?
Sean: secrets secrets…places and things. fun with yarn, fun with string. Alex: *blank stare* Sean: I made that up.
Or a Muppet
Alex: When Sean types he moves his head and his mouth a lot. Christy: That’s cause he’s a puppet.
It’s Shiny
Christy: Look at this document I made today, isn’t it interesting? Sean: Yes, if that was hanging in the air, I’d definitely pay attention to that, as opposed to the air. *smug smile*
Common Bonds
Alex: I’m not a smart man. Jen: mmm, me neither.
They’ll Fling Poop
Christine: Our children will be like little monkeys. We’ll name them after ic staff. Ya know, like Seannifer. Or maybe Stevilly.
Fresh Paper
Tobin: I thought I needed more paper but everything’s under control now. I went out into the courtyard and cut a tree down. False alarm.
Still in the Office
Sean: Where am I? Jen and Alex: *blank stares* Sean: Oh yeah, I’m in the office.
Tastes so Good Though
Jen: Sean, if you don’t take that thing out of your mouth right now, I’m gonna shove the VACO key up your nose!
Dirty but Delicious
Jen: It’s got a nice, whorish aftertone…