Jen: Sean, if you don’t take that thing out of your mouth right now, I’m gonna shove the VACO key up your nose!
Category Archives: Uncategorized
He’s Special
Sean: You don’t just do things for no reason. Chris and Jen: Wes does.
Leaving?
Sean: You know, when you get bored in the server room, there’s only two alternatives. Randall: What’s the other one?
Dirty but Delicious
Jen: It’s got a nice, whorish aftertone…
Not Even Oral
Sean: What were they thinking? There’s no sex in the server room.
Usually With Mace
Jen: Don’t touch me. Sean: I get that a lot.
BANNER
Sean: Man Banner. BRUCE Banner!
Boss Games
Alex: I love calling the new consultants and having them be scared of me on the phone. Sean: (pretending to call consultant) “I’m outside your window! I know you’re there! Is that your girlfriend? SHE’S PRETTY!”
Scary Beautiful
Alex: I’m such an attractive man, it frightens me.
Little Boys Room
Alex: I’m going to the little boys room. To do little boy things. Sean: What, like go play with Hot Wheels?
I Even Brought in Clothes
Randall: (in the office, to Jennifer) Why don’t you go home? Jennifer: (in meek voice) I AM home.
Word Limit Reached
Jen: Oh shoot, I just go- duh- bu- ah- gu- … damn. I ran out of words.
Big Ass Ham
Alex: Do you like HANDY SNACKS? Perhaps you’re a fan… of big ass ham. Big ass ham!
Good First Impressions
Becca: (introducing Andy) This is Andy. He makes a great piece of ass.
Crank Caller
Randall (while calling to cover a shift): Uh…yes…can I speak to….hang on a sec…(tries to figure out which consultant he’s calling)…wait…(hangs up and bursts into hysterical laughter)
P E N I L E
Sean (age 22): How do you spell “senile”?
Toilet Clogged
Randall: I go to Raging Waters every other friday to relieve myself
Good for Spider Dating
Alex: I’ve got spider radar, I’ve got spi-dar.
Falling Flat
Jen: I fall down… with alarming frequency.
Rhyming Fools
Billy: Hey, that rhymes! Netstation location; what’s your function. That should go in the quotes page.
The Usual
Jennifer: I wouldn’t force any leprechaun on anyone until they were drunk and passed out on the floor.
Good Touch, Bad Touch
Lora: You lose when you touch yourself. Billy: Yeah, it’s not good to touch yourself.
Worst Cheat Ever
AT Rock’n Bowl: Steve: I dont want to win, ive already seen [6th sense], but i entered twice.. Billy: Yeah, well i entered three times, im gonna win! <Over the loudspeaker> The winner… Billy Barker! –billy goes and gets prize– <The next winner is… Billy Barker? … Cheater! Now you dont get the prize.> Billy: …
Naked Time?
Alex: I’m impartial to dressing.
Or Hell
Phil: It’s cool, unless you start staring at red lights all night long. Sean: Cause that means you’re at a whorehouse!
Violence and Compromise
Jennifer: Kick him in the head. That’ll learn him. (and later:) Is nobody saying any self compromising comments this summer? Not even Sean?
Kill Mode Activated
Alex: I’ve gone into kill mode again. Phil: And how does that make you feel Alex? Alex: Fantastic.
I Have an Equation
Lora: Could you date someone of below average attractiveness? Ado: Look, either you’re attracted to someone, or you aren’t! Billy: Wellllll, it depends on how much money they have.
Man Makeup
Phil: I like the mascara. Alex: It suits you.
Even Fuller
Sean: It’s always better to eat on a full stomach. (pause) Sh!t.