A woman at work: “I don’t wear a helmet to go to the bathroom.”
Tag Archives: workplace
Awesome Scavenger Hunt
{when asked what she was doing wandering the halls} Ellie: they were all on the phone. and i was bored. so i stole a giraffe.
Taking it for the Team
Jen: I am the You of this campus right now. Sean: An enviable position to be sure. Jen: It’s okay, but I can’t get used to all this bending over. Sean: You get used to it eventually. I mean…hey!
‘For Use on Penis’
(the phone rings) Sean: Hello, this is Sean. Vanessa: Hi Sean. Um, do you have a key to the president’s office? Sean: Yeah, why? Vanessa: Can you come down here and unlock it? I have to put stickers on condoms. Sean: Uh, ok then.
At Least you Frolick
on her day at work: Jen: I frolick in a sea of bastard retards.
Surely Not That Dumb
while discussing stupid coworkers alex: how’s work for you? are you getting dumber by being there? jen: i’m so dumb now, I could be a professor. i’m so dumb now, i could draft a policy initiative. i could sit on the board of trustees. i could implement a campus wide email system… i am …
Work Smerk
Tobin, walking in two and a half hours late for work *looks around blankly* Tobin: … oops. *goes about his business*
Tobin’s Digest
Tobin: This is Tobin’s stomach, if you don’t give him a break soon I’m going to start digesting him, and you’re next, tough guy!
Lab Player
Naseem: I’m the most action this lab has ever seen.
Ooh, Hard to Get
Alex: I hear female voices Wes: I like females!!!! Jen: *sheepishly turns away and leaves with fear in her eyes*
Multimedia Strippers?
Alex: Hey Tobin, anything you need in the NMC? Tobin: Hmmm…. not really, maybe a stripper and some beer, but I’d settle for someone to come in and use the damn lab and ask questions.
They’ll Fling Poop
Christine: Our children will be like little monkeys. We’ll name them after ic staff. Ya know, like Seannifer. Or maybe Stevilly.
Leaving?
Sean: You know, when you get bored in the server room, there’s only two alternatives. Randall: What’s the other one?
Not Even Oral
Sean: What were they thinking? There’s no sex in the server room.
Boss Games
Alex: I love calling the new consultants and having them be scared of me on the phone. Sean: (pretending to call consultant) “I’m outside your window! I know you’re there! Is that your girlfriend? SHE’S PRETTY!”
I Even Brought in Clothes
Randall: (in the office, to Jennifer) Why don’t you go home? Jennifer: (in meek voice) I AM home.
Suck All Around
Jennifer: So, you’ve spent an entire day trying to make something work, and it still sucks. Mike: That’s my job.
War Games
Sean: (to Wess as he attacks Christy without provocation) Is this what they taught you in combat? Find the nearest girl and pick a fight? Then your self-esteem will be sky high and you’ll be ready to fight the Iraqis.
Effective Leadership
Wes: Says who? I make the rules.
Computer Comfort
Christy: i don’t believe in human contact. that’s why i work in a computer lab.
What’s in a Title Though?
Christy: Why don’t you become a consultant? Debbie: I don’t know…I don’t really like to deal with people. Christy: Debbie, you’re a receptionist!
Motivate Us
SCs: “We need motivation.” Andy: (with his mouth full) “Hey, I’m eatin’ here.”