sean: if it can’t tell time AND make your penis bigger, then what use is it?!!
Author Archives: Alex
So Much Dork
referring to something dorky sean: i haven’t seen dork like that since junior high gym class!
Chuck is Gonna be Mad
* watching exercise equipment infomercial with CHUCK NORRIS and CHRISTY BRINKLEY * Christy Brinkley: It’s been a tough day of working out, Chuck! Chuck Norris: It sure has been! Sean: Hahahaha… “has beens.”
Wear Pants Around Flames
steve m: ouch. boner burn!
Foursome Too Much?
sean: as long as it ends in a threesome, i don’t care.
Bizarro Battle
discussing a bizarro group of friends, just like ours sean: we should fight them. alex: do you have any idea what that could do to the universe? sean: screw the universe, this is about reputation.
Writing Tips
tobin: writing, it’s like reading, but you don’t know what it says until you make it.
Wax On, Clean Off
discussing Britney Spears, the almighty tobin: “She’s so cold, she’s hot. She’s so hot, she’s cold. She’s so yin, she’s yang. And now to wax my wang.”
Beaver Diddies
tobin: I think I prefer “songs to which one ought to eat twat” for an album title, reserving “cunilingus ditty” for the hit single. Other songs include “greasy smile”, “it only smells like fish”, “I found the boat, where’s the man”, and the anthem sing-a-long “tasty pink taco”
A BIG Boat
*emulating her childhood self* Andria: When I have a boyfriend, I want to kiss him on a boat.
Salty Movies
colin (the sailor): “Pirates of the Caribbean” has got to be the best movie since “Captain Ron”!
Bah, Nice
jen: if everybody had very nice lives, we’d all run out of reasons to drink.
Sounds Delicious Too
eating chocolate, jen sneezes violently jen: ACHOO! whoa, I think I got chocolate in my nose… *looks around*… smells good in here.
Making the Ladies Laugh
alex: have you heard of those dildos that you strap onto your chin? jen: you mean the “Leno Dildo”?
Heat Vision Gifts
steve: I wanna be Superman for Christmas.
Super Slurpee
jess: i’m enjoying this slurpee on a whole new level that slurpees shouldn’t be enjoyed on!
At Least you Frolick
on her day at work: Jen: I frolick in a sea of bastard retards.
So, Hockey Then?
sean: yup. hockey is on alex: yea, hockey is where it’s at sean: hockey is da place alex: hockey in ya face sean: hockey – it’s a pants thing alex: hockey – not just for cows anymore sean: hockey – 4 out of 5 dentists agree, it’s greeeeaaat! alex: it would take 10 games of …
Laser Laser
alexatitp: laser tag bazooka? DEM0NH00D: hehe, that’s just nuts alexatitp: laser tag nerve gas alexatitp: laser tag demoralizing propoganda… DEM0NH00D: laser tag barbed wire DEM0NH00D: laser tag suicide pill alexatitp: laser tag wartime brothel DEM0NH00D: laser tag VD alexatitp: laser tag pine box / battleship sea burial kit DEM0NH00D: laser tag insignia wrapped over coffin …
So Polite
sean: snatch, always a pleasure
Medical Hobbies
sean: you’re a very helpful man. hell, i was just talking to my doctor the other day, and i told him how helpful you were in removing my spleen with a spork, a dirty rock, and a pair of tongs. alex: you didn’t tell him my name, did you? sean: no, i sorta passed out. …
MASSiVE
sean: oh yea, look at my massive 2 inches…
Surely Not That Dumb
while discussing stupid coworkers alex: how’s work for you? are you getting dumber by being there? jen: i’m so dumb now, I could be a professor. i’m so dumb now, i could draft a policy initiative. i could sit on the board of trustees. i could implement a campus wide email system… i am …
Really Fast Then?
feeding jen a useful car fact for future conversations alex:ok, try this: the new SVT Mustang Cobra does zero to sixty in 4.5 seconds and pulls .9 Gs on the skidpad. Those are impressive numbers for 35 thousand dollars…. now you say it. jen: the new VCM Cobra does zero to sixty in 42 seconds …
Gang Gagging
alexatitp (10:45:31 AM): lolly gaggling and tom foolery are sure paths to raddness ruination stealthjeffer (10:46:11 AM): i don’t know about you, but i wouldn’t mind gagging lolly.
Ugly All Around
(while watching a seinfeld outtake) alex: if i had to be an ugly old man, i’d want to be jerry stiller. tobin: if i had to be an ugly old man… i’d want to be your mom.
The Chin Misses Them So
echo conversation: tobin: I’ll go grab one. alex: grab something else for me, would ya? MY NUTS tobin: where’d you leave ’em? I couldn’t find ’em in their regular place…. MY CHIN
Chewbacca’s Thang?
jen: shotgun, bang! what’s up with sean’s thang? alex: i wanna know? where does he sit? jen: wait up, hold up, mr. driver! like Chewbacca, he’s a sexy navigator!
Capitalism at its Best
while watching a commercial for a ridiculous, painted silver dollar – cost: significantly more than a dollar TV: And if you call now you can get this American Flag pin with a quarter molded in. Alex: *mockingly* hey, what did you pay for your quarter? Billy: *answering mockery* I got it free with my 40 …
Good Girl
lora: I played with it until it discharged.