Phil: I like the mascara. Alex: It suits you.
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Even Fuller
Sean: It’s always better to eat on a full stomach. (pause) Sh!t.
It’s Me, Not You
Response to one of Ado’s emails: Hi. This is the qmail-send program at as.ucsb.edu. I’m afraid I wasn’t able to deliver your message to the following addresses. This is a permanent error; I’ve given up. Sorry it didn’t work out. Ado: I think my email just broke up with me.
Saving Forking For Tonight
Billy: Phil, you missed it last night, Sean taught Alex how to spoon.
Carnal Candy
Sean: I would never try to pressure you into opening up your Fun Dip. (Regarding the tasty tasty sugary snack pack, of course.)
Very Alive…Now
Christine: (pulling on Billy’s keychain) Hey look….his pants are alive!
Also Drunk
Christy: “I’m graduated. Like a cylinder.”
Cleanup is a Bitch
Jennifer (to Wes about Christy): “Good thing you stopped her. She was about to feel special all over the office.”
Mmm, Monkey Brains
Ado: Doo doo doo, Monkey Brains, Monkey Brains…. Never has anything looked so gross but tasted soooo good.
A Real Man Now
Billy at Carrow’s: “Look everyone, i can make the snake grow.”
Freak Penmanship
Sean: Yes I write all my letters from the bottom up. It’s freakish. If you saw me writing on a chalkboard you’d laugh. Just like my physics class. But they learned. (throws Mr. Happy at the floor demonically)
Page me Again!
(as the pager beeps) Billy: Ah yes, and the party begins in my pants.
Keyzer Soze
Wes: I didn’t really like it [The Usual Suspects]. Sean: It won best screenplay bitch.
Stolen by Skynet
Phil: “The only reason I’m in ECE is because I had that robotic arm”
Like Jello
Alex: “Hey, my butt’s kinda jiggley” {he glances at his rear}
It’s All Infected
(Referring to Wes’s chair) Christy: See, now you’re starting to sound like him … it’s the chair. Sean: I should disinfect this thing before I sit down. Christy: Ew. It’s got cooties.
Popcorn Ain’t Food
Christy: I should go home and eat. Jennifer: Eating’s overrated. (as she stuffs a large handful of buttery popcorn into her mouth)
Dance For Me!
Randall: Wait, how am I dead? Wait. Spectators: She shot you! (Christy begins firing and approaching Randall) Randall: Wait. Randall: WAIT! Randall: WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!! (Turns and flees screaming like a little girl)
Stroke School
Alex: I know how to stroke. Christy: Your mama taught you that. Alex: You taught me that! You sat me down and taught me how to stroke an image.
But I Ain’t Free
Naseem: I don’t cost any money.
Smooth to the Touch
Mike: Josh is a hit with all the blind women.
Spatially Retarded
Christy (walking to her chair while talking): I’m brilliant! {THUD}-Christy slips, missing her chair by a half mile.
Mayo?
Sean (to Wes): Can you have one meal where you don’t have mayonnaise on your face?
Ass Button?
Josh: Sean, do you personify yourself through Mr. Happy? Sean: No…. Jennifer: Does that mean Sean has an ass button? (A few minutes later.) Sean:I don’t have an ass button. Mr. Happy doesn’t have an ass button. (Pauses for thoughtful ponderance.)
Pascal Prince?
Jennifer: He wants me to solve all his problems like I’m the Fortran Fairy or something…
It’s Messy
Christy and Sean on checking out CD’s to users Christy: Usually we take the driver’s license … First born child… Sean: Yeeeess. I’ve seen the baby bin.
True Love
Sean: I have my slinky. I don’t need you people.
No Tutu
Sean: Mr. Happy is a naked ballerina. [awkward pause] Sean: What? He is…
Marketable Skills
I was adjusting my package. {shakes her hips} I’m so good at it! Everyone should have a skill. -Christy
Forgotten Fourths?
Kash: You’re always last choice… Christine: …I’m not even sloppy seconds.