tobin: I think I prefer “songs to which one ought to eat twat” for an album title, reserving “cunilingus ditty” for the hit single. Other songs include “greasy smile”, “it only smells like fish”, “I found the boat, where’s the man”, and the anthem sing-a-long “tasty pink taco”
Category Archives: Uncategorized
A BIG Boat
*emulating her childhood self* Andria: When I have a boyfriend, I want to kiss him on a boat.
An Accurate Map
(Sean puts on a Mac OS X t-shirt that prominently displays a big blue X) Jess: Hey look, X marks the geek!
Self Cleaning
(while playing with a friend’s cats) Jess: The cats are licking their own crotches. I’m not sure whether to be grossed out or jealous.
Salty Movies
colin (the sailor): “Pirates of the Caribbean” has got to be the best movie since “Captain Ron”!
Bah, Nice
jen: if everybody had very nice lives, we’d all run out of reasons to drink.
Press X + Y Together
(while playing Metroid on the Gamecube) sean: …and this is the analyze mode. you can run around and analyze everything. andria: ooh, women are good at analyzing things. alex (chuckling): so where’s the over analyze button?
Scrambled Memories
tessa: “I heard this is a great movie” mom: “yeah, FOR EGGS!” tessa: “WHAT?”
Mostly the Soft Taffy
Alex: Jen always gets scared when I pull my candy out too soon.
Coffin Stereos
(online conversation via broadcast messages) Steve: anyone else hear those sirens on campus? Sean: some power transformer blow up again or something? Jen: if you all die, I get your stereos Steve: granted Alex: i’d like to be burried with my stereo playing ‘tell me something good’ Sean: much better choice than queen’s ‘another one …
Leave it to Clean Beaver
Billy J: I learn things from tv. I learned from Leave it to Beaver that every time you shave, your hair gets thicker when it grows back. Alex: So eventually it’ll be this huuuge {forms hands in ring the size of a tennis ball}. Jess: Did the beaver shave on that show? Billy J: Well… …
Pride Worthy
Steve Y.: It’s only blackmail if you’re not proud of it.
The Burger King of England
lamont: Taco Bell has no bell demonhood: mcdonalds is not irish demonhood: or scottish even lamont: Pizza Hut is run by humans not Hutts demonhood: there is no royalty at burger king lamont: Jack in the Box and Carl’s Junior are both utterly perverse names demonhood: wendy’s doesn’t even serve wendy burgers anymore lamont: And …
Sounds Delicious Too
eating chocolate, jen sneezes violently jen: ACHOO! whoa, I think I got chocolate in my nose… *looks around*… smells good in here.
Harry Wight
Alex (striking a karate pose to imitate the author on the cover of the book Dynamic Strength): I’m Harry Wong! *pause* Alex, thoughtfully: Oh my god, that guy’s name is Harry Wong!
Making the Ladies Laugh
alex: have you heard of those dildos that you strap onto your chin? jen: you mean the “Leno Dildo”?
Damn Dirty Hippies
Billy: That’s the creed of those damn dirty hippies: Fight the man. Fight the shower.
Holy Kernels
(while walking thru an outdoor shopping center) Popcorn Vendor (calling out): Free samples, if you’d like to taste! Tessa: Did he just say “Free samples, for Christ’s sake.” ? Max: I don’t think so. Sean:: But that’d be a unique way to sell popcorn. Invoking the name of Jesus Christ.
Looks Brassy
Alex: Hey Billy, can I take a peek at your iron monkey?
Until I Get a Camera
(while reaching for some brie at a holiday party, his arm precariously close to being burned) Alex: uh oh. I don’t think I should be cutting the cheese over these candles.
Toe Typing
tessardiva: i’m typing with wet nails wittymusketeer: use your toes tessardiva: im doing ok thank you tessardiva: its a challenge wittymusketeer: landing on the moon is a challenge, typing with wet fingernails is a byproduct of the commercialization of beauty wittymusketeer: i’ve been watching to much daria
It was a long time coming
“My turtle ran away!” – a very sad story from the mouth of a distraught college student.
Sandbagged
Dawn: there’s a river running in the grass outside my backdoor Jen: they might have to sandbag your porch. they do that some years there. Dawn: darn 1st floor apartment Jen: a river runs through it. Dawn: unless Brad Pitt is in that river, i don’t want it in my apartment.
2 Higher on the Religion Scale
“Atheist? So that’s better than Catholic right?” -said to me by my roomate.
Pay Smut Was Bankrupting Me
Lora: Hell Yeah! Free Porn
Seven Days
(most of us had recently seen the new movie ‘The Ring’) lopaka: …7 days… sean: cleaning a broom closet takes…7 days jen: dissolving a body in acid takes…7 days lopaka: 1 week is … 7 days jen: 7 hours at work feels like…7 days sean: the common cold can last…for 7 days jen: lopaka, what …
Heat Vision Gifts
steve: I wanna be Superman for Christmas.
North or South?
Billy: What are you doing? Lora: nothing…the Koreans are here
Stop
stephenmhock: what would have happened if MC Hammer had really liked water? Auto response from Narfa5: shower time.
Equal Rights
Billy: What kind of a world is it when a man will get arrested for backhanding a woman, but a woman will not get arrested for flicking a man in the balls.