overheard in CompUSA:
“What!?! You’ve never seen that movie! It’s just the greatest movie EVER MADE…next to Space Balls.”
Updates from February, 2006 Toggle Comment Threads | Keyboard Shortcuts
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Lopaka
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Sean
(overheard on campus)
Woman 1: It was the cat’s meow!
Woman 2: I thought it was the cat’s pajamas.
Woman 1: The cat’s vagina?
Woman 2: Yeah, that’s totally it. -
Sean
(while perusing an upcoming movie sequel site)
jen: “Charlie’s Angels 3 is going to be a lot more like the TV series. And I am absolutely thrilled that my good friend John Travolta is going to have a cameo role!”
jen: that screaming sound you hear is my brains exiting my skull at high velocity.
jen: “Die Hard 4.0: John McClane is retired from the police force in this fourth installment, with computers will figure largely in the story line.”
jen: a futuristic computing device, you say!
sean: “The Brazilian Job” {sequel to The Italian Job}
sean: Marky Mark takes on his most devious enemy yet…the bikini line!
jen: Indiana Jones 4: The Adventure of Making This Movie Before the Principal Cast DIES
jen: “Update of the 1979 vampire film Love at First Bite about Dracula who moves to New York to find a bride. “Second Bite” takes place 25 years later, centering on Dracula’s Americanized son, who has rejected his family’s heritage and is getting married to a human. Trouble ensues when he learns that his vampire relatives are coming to America for the wedding”
jen: It’s a comedy of errors!
sean: holy shit, i thought you were kidding. that’s…that’s not right
jen: spiderman 3: with topher grace as the new villain, “Dr. Daintyfop”!
sean: Straight Out of Compton 2
Cast: Blair Underwood, Blair Underwood, Blair Underwood
sean: that’s a lot of underwood
sean: Usual Suspects 2: Searching For Keyser Soze & His Bags of Sequel Money -
Sean
topic: computer job interview questions
Jen: “Uh huh, it says here that you used to intern at Bell Labs. Tell me, what do you think about head?”
“Personally, I love it. Think about it all the time. Right now, in fact. So, you have two years of database experience?”and later
“How do you handle large amounts of data? Really? I like to use these.”
At this point, reach into your desk and pull out two giant oven mitts.and even later
“Do you like my hat?”
“You’re not wearing a hat.”
“I’m sorry, but you need to be a team player to fit in around here.”
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Jen
Sean: I was very excited to learn that I didn’t get crabs from that prostitute.
Jen: I’m taking that out of context.
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Sean
Mika: So I told them Sean had questionable breeding.
Sean: Oh. Wait, what?!
V: He’s not a dog Mika!
Jen: You’ll never get Best In Show now Sean. I’m sorry. -
Jen
Steve: I wore pajamas last night. I have Peanuts all over my bottom.
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Sean
opening presents
Dad: It plays DVDs and CDs.
Tessa (reading box): It does 400…..dicks. Uh, I mean discs!
Steve, Anna & Max (at once): In a row?! -
Jen
Mom: What’s the name of that movie…”Silent Runnings”? You know, that one with the Puerto Rican luge team.
Jen: You mean the Jamaican bobsled team?
Mom: No, it was a Puerto Rican luge. “Silent Runnings,” right?
Steve: Cool Runnings. With the Jamaican bobsled team.
Mom: Right, Cool Runnings. -
Tessa
While playing movie game:
Sean: You’re on Brent Spiner
Max: wait wait what?!
Sean: You’re doing Data Bitch!! -
Tobin
this man is sick, I don’t know him…
alex:
“you put your right toe bin, you put your right toe bout,
you put your right toe bin, and you gently massage the anal cavity.
you do the tobin toe-bin and you wiggle it about
and hope that no poop comes out!”but damn, he’s funny
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Sean
[the out of context battle continues]
jen: i snuck out of my bed last night and had some.
jen: i was laying there thinking about how it was in the next room, so i finally gave up and got some, and then i wanted more.jen: wait, that sounded dirty.
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Lopaka
lopaka: Drinking makes me feel good. I should drink more often.
(everyone laughs)
sean: That’s why I drink every night.
(everyone laughs)
sean: No, really.
(everyone stares at sean) -
Jen
[online debate. subject: Time Travel.]
Jen: if watching Back to the Future taught me anything, it’s that your past and future selves cannot meet, or else you destroy the universe.
Sean: i dunno. if i take Timecop as gospel (and why wouldn’t i?!), then they couldn’t fight because they’d cancel each other out and cease to exist if they touched. poor Ron Silver.
Jen: interesting. but if they exist in the same moment, why does touching even matter?
Sean: something about the same object not being able to exist in the same space. van damme probably did the splits to distract from this plot point.
Jen: but they DON’T exist in the same space. they’d only exist in the same space if Ron Silver A’s atoms materialized in the EXACT SAME place as Ron Silver B’s, and in that case Ron Silver A would probably explode or something anyway.
Sean: i guess touching was enough of an overlap to cause problems. it’s not like they were making out or anything. just a bump.
Jen: if Ron Silver A is just fighting Ron Silver B, their molecules don’t exist in the same place at the same time at all – they’re just foxyboxing. i find this “Timecop” premise ludicrous.
Sean: in van damme’s universe, it was close enough.
Jen: but it’s NOT close enough!
Sean: the universe rounds up. -
Jen
[online conversation]
Sean: if i have to listen to a sleeping man snoring while almost swallowing his own tongue, they can deal with a little rack action.
Jen: i’m taking that out of context.
Sean: i’m a lot filthier out of context.
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Jen
[online conversation]
Sean: i’d have a stupid smirk on my face the entire time. and there’s no way i’d be able to do it with either of you there. one bit of eye contact and i’d explode with laughter.
Jen: i’m taking that out of context.
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Alex
sean: if it can’t tell time AND make your penis bigger, then what use is it?!!
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Sean
madeline: nerd
sean: geek
madeline: pedophile
sean: baby cannibal
madeline: puppy shishkababer
sean: raccoon fornicator
madeline: atheist
sean: mormon
madeline: my computer got unplugged. mike did it…christian fundamentalist.
sean: always blaming others…..republican
madeline: i put blame where blame is due… anti-abortion doctor-killer.
sean: a likely story….televangelist
madeline: bake me cookies… apartheid supporter.
sean: bake your own cookies…. bush cabinet member
madeline: i’m busy – you do it…prussian blue fan.
sean: the kitchen is full already…..holocaust denier
madeline: … mel gibson fan.
sean: paris hilton stalker
madeline: katie holmes impregnator
sean: scientologist missionary
madeline: missionary-style purist
sean: abstinence only teacher
madeline: god-made-aids-to-punish-gay-people believer
sean: abu ghraib prison manual author
*insert problem with displaying a picture in the chat window*
madeline: it would’ve worked fine if you hadn’t mucked it up… funny picture sabotager.
sean: i live to thwart your efforts….carrot top fanclub president.
madeline: you are a vile, vile monster… martha stewart sexer-upper.
sean: my cruelty knows no bounds…..michael jackson defense fund contributor
madeline: talker-during-the-quiet-parts-in-the-movie-theater-er.
sean: Perfect Strangers erotic fanfic writer
madeline: now that’s just going too far!
sean: haha! i win! -
Alex
referring to something dorky
sean: i haven’t seen dork like that since junior high gym class!
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Lopaka
sean: two things I hate – Hitler and yogurt!
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Jen
Steve: I’m drowning in worcestershire sauce!
Jen: Delicious death.
Steve: Delicious like a foxburger! -
Sean
(while discussing medical form letters letting you know if
A) [ ] you’re going to die from a horrible disease or
B) [ ] it’s not a tumor)alex: that’s be great if the ‘x’ that marks the box was kind of in two boxes and you weren’t sure what the diagnosis was.
sean: “damnit. i’m not sure if i have cancer or if i just voted for pat buchanon” -
Sean
(overheard outside a restaurant)
Man: Nah, it won’t work out. Preschool teachers never give you a happy ending.
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Sean
(overheard while eating lunch)
Guy 1: I mean, you can stick a lit cigarette up your ass and nothing will happen.
Guy 2: Well, you might get burned.
Guy 1: Sure, but the filter should help with that. -
Jen
Spoken part of Cyprus Hill song: “Lotta sharks out there, lookin’ to get ahead…”
Dawn: Hmmm…sharks. That’s a metaphor. -
Jen
Coworker 1: Chicks dig C++.
Coworker 2: Not C, though.
1: Not C?
2: No way, man. C’s just…*shrugs*. But C++ is like, ninja shit. -
Sean
Randall: Ok, another homeless person with a laptop? He isn’t getting my change.
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Sean
(turning a corner in the car, a few women cross the street in front of us)
Brad: Moooooooo!!!
Josh: Awww. Hey now.
Brad: Don’t worry Josh, she’ll still be warm for another 45 minutes after you hit her with the car. -
Billy
Billy:It’s 3:30 the backside is closed by now.
Wes:The backside is always open for business! -
Alex
* watching exercise equipment infomercial with CHUCK NORRIS and CHRISTY BRINKLEY *
Christy Brinkley: It’s been a tough day of working out, Chuck!
Chuck Norris: It sure has been!Sean: Hahahaha… “has beens.”
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