Jen: Hey, nobody’s talking about the Klan here. I just indicated that us white people had a meeting where we decided what kinds of actors we like. Torrell: That’s true, Mexicans do the same thing. Jen: La Raza! Torrell: No, we get our business done at quinceañeras.
Author Archives: Jen
That’s Not Racial Transcendence, Pt. 1
Jen: What are you watching? Torrell: Marine 2. Jen: Who’s in it? Torrell: I don’t know. You might recognize him, though. He looks like the kind of action-type actor that white people would like. (After careful consideration of the main character.) Jen: Nope, sorry. I don’t recognize that guy. He must not have been at …
This Game Is Rigged. And Meta.
Sean: Nice quote. Sadly, it caused the google ads on the page to become about interracial match making. Jen: I can think of something that will cause them to become even more so.
Perks of the Job
Steve: My new balls arrived today, the bright yellow ones are very tacky. Like, they stick to each other a lot. Jen: You tell me about your balls a lot. Steve: I’ve only told you about my balls twice, I think. At least in recent memory. Jen: Twice seems like a lot when it’s your …
Magic Eye Boobs
(Jen is wearing a dress with a small busy pattern.) Steve: Your dress is making me dizzy. Jen: Sorry, I never realized, since I don’t have to look at it. Steve: It’s like one of those posters with the hidden picture in it. Jen: Ha ha, Magic Eye! Yeah, I’ve got a sailboat hidden over …
So Creepy
Jen: Creepy. Sean: It’s a small and creepy world.
Shy Hyena?
Steve: I suspect that he misdiagnosed shyness as a hernia.
Watching Puppets IS Combat
Steve: I got an email from Matt yesterday. He said that nobody in his unit had ever seen “The Dark Crystal”. Jen: I thought you were going to say “real combat”. Steve: That too.
This Monkey Craze
Sean (via IM): man, why does everyone have a monkey to love but me?!
Renowned Storytime Part 1
Sean has forwarded Jen an article (http://byneddiejingo.blogspot.com/2006/04/et-in-arcadia-ego.html). An IM conversation happens. Sean: “Renowned systems administrator Sean sat down in his second floor office. He lunged for the keyboard, because lunging is a much better word then ‘reached’.” Jen: “At the sound of a tapping in the doorway Sean froze and whirled around in his chair, …
New Challenger – Gremlins
Alien vs Predator Game hits a snag in the retelling Jen: I feel bad that gremlins got cut. maybe we SHOULD take out terminator. Wait – I know how to resolve this. Gremlins vs. Terminator! Sean: That’d take a shitload of gremlins. Jen: Fine, fine: A Shitload of Gremlins vs The Original Terminator! Sean: They’d …
Taking it for the Team
Jen: I am the You of this campus right now. Sean: An enviable position to be sure. Jen: It’s okay, but I can’t get used to all this bending over. Sean: You get used to it eventually. I mean…hey!
It’s Always Complicated With Clowns
(discussing sean’s living arrangements) sean: [name redacted] would only be back for a month. she suggested rooming up for the weekdays and she’d go with her parents on the weekends. and then, next time she came back, at least one person in the main house would have moved out and she’d go in there… wow, …
But I Did Get Lobster
Sean: I was very excited to learn that I didn’t get crabs from that prostitute. Jen: I’m taking that out of context.
Snoopy or Dumbo?
Steve: I wore pajamas last night. I have Peanuts all over my bottom.
Everyone is Puerto Rican
Mom: What’s the name of that movie…”Silent Runnings”? You know, that one with the Puerto Rican luge team. Jen: You mean the Jamaican bobsled team? Mom: No, it was a Puerto Rican luge. “Silent Runnings,” right? Steve: Cool Runnings. With the Jamaican bobsled team. Mom: Right, Cool Runnings.
The Ron Silver Rule
[online debate. subject: Time Travel.] Jen: if watching Back to the Future taught me anything, it’s that your past and future selves cannot meet, or else you destroy the universe. Sean: i dunno. if i take Timecop as gospel (and why wouldn’t i?!), then they couldn’t fight because they’d cancel each other out and cease …
Context is King
[online conversation] Sean: if i have to listen to a sleeping man snoring while almost swallowing his own tongue, they can deal with a little rack action. Jen: i’m taking that out of context. Sean: i’m a lot filthier out of context.
Totally Innocent
[online conversation] Sean: i’d have a stupid smirk on my face the entire time. and there’s no way i’d be able to do it with either of you there. one bit of eye contact and i’d explode with laughter. Jen: i’m taking that out of context.
Better than Tobasco
Steve: I’m drowning in worcestershire sauce! Jen: Delicious death. Steve: Delicious like a foxburger!
Lotta Guppies Too
Spoken part of Cyprus Hill song: “Lotta sharks out there, lookin’ to get ahead…” Dawn: Hmmm…sharks. That’s a metaphor.
C+++++
Coworker 1: Chicks dig C++. Coworker 2: Not C, though. 1: Not C? 2: No way, man. C’s just…*shrugs*. But C++ is like, ninja shit.
The State Adds 40lbs
[Dawn shows off her new driver’s license picture.] Randall: Wow, you look kind of fat. (Everyone is shocked.) Randall: I mean, because you’re actually so skinny… I should think before I talk.
Allergic
Frink: I don’t like nuts. They make my mouth itch.
43 is the New Pi
(Note: Stephen is 21 years old.) Stephen (answering a quiz question): Men in Black? Jen: Nope. You’re close. Stephen: Men in Black II. Jen: Right. Stephen: Sheesh. Who knew numbers were sooooo important? I didn’t. That’s why I’m 43 years old.
Harry Wight
Alex (striking a karate pose to imitate the author on the cover of the book Dynamic Strength): I’m Harry Wong! *pause* Alex, thoughtfully: Oh my god, that guy’s name is Harry Wong!
Sandbagged
Dawn: there’s a river running in the grass outside my backdoor Jen: they might have to sandbag your porch. they do that some years there. Dawn: darn 1st floor apartment Jen: a river runs through it. Dawn: unless Brad Pitt is in that river, i don’t want it in my apartment.
Crazy Bout Nature
Driving downtown in the morning. Two leaves are stuck between the car hood and the windshield. They flap in the wind. Alex: See the little leaves. They dance in the breeze, like children. Jen: That was beautiful. Alex: I HATE THEM! I WISH THEY WOULD GO AWAY AND DIE!
Private Parts, Second Class
Steve H. : Sgt. Dickerheimer just picked Matt up. Jen: Tell me that’s not really his name. Steve: Nah, its Hollinger or something. But I liked Dickenheimer better. Jen: It’s a good one.
Our Lord’s Paper Towel
While discussing a Catholic mass Dawn had recently attended… Narfa5 (1:57:39 PM): and i probably would have really gone off when i drank the wine Narfa5 (1:57:47 PM): they were using the communal cup too Narfa5 (1:57:50 PM): which is icky JenRHock (1:58:01 PM): no, no no! they wipe it with the Napkin of Our …