Quotes Page

Polka Rockin

Dawn, in AIM: “argh! all i want is freaking jungle love by steve miller band! is that too much to ask?”
(and later…)
“ooh, found steve meisner band: jammin! polkas.”
(even later…)
“oh yeah, this polka is jammin! “

With Nurse Crotch

“You’re lucky, here at the university we have the foremost researcher on Genital Warts, Dr.Cox.”

– Completely serious ‘Human Sexuality’ professor.

Polytheism Wins

“All those gods you made up in your head are figments of your imagination!”

– Yelled by a man outside of a concert (Tori Amos, no less) carrying a sign that read “TRUST JESUS OR BURN IN HELL”

Ready for My Closeup

“It doesn’t really matter to me, just as long as it’s tight on my ass.”

– some college girl in a laundromat, referring to god knows what

Why Can’t I Stop

“I mean, who is this guy? And why is he watching me get naked?”

– A comment from a friend, taken slightly out of context

Sorry, Only Know a Carrows

“You don’t know where Denny’s is? You call yourself men?”

– Drunken skanky hos in front of an AM/PM in Riverside, CA

(this was said to me and a group of my friends. there is no better way to describe the group of ‘women’ that said this. trust me)

Me Speel Gud

billy: How many “s”es are in “Rodman”?

The Horses are Sore Too

(as Wes stretches after getting off his motorcycle)

Wes: Argh…I’m saddle sore from fucking horses.

Eudora Master

alex: does anyone here claim to know eudora well?
steve hock: i could claim it, but then i’d be a liar as well as a eudora expert.

It Almost Works Too

*bored at work, singing garth brooks*
alex: “troubles I forgot ’em, I buried ’em in the sand. So bring me two pina coladas…”
*pause*
alex: line?
tobin: “heeeeey macarena!”

McFly

alex: We need an office skateboard here like we had at IC.
tobin: Dude, this is the Institute for Theoretical Physics… we need an office hoverboard!

Motorcycling

(As we view Wes from the car behind, he takes the opportunity to meticulously adjust his leather jacket while at a stop light on his motorcycle)

Sean (in flighty Wes voice): Oh my, does this jacket make my ass look big?

Not a Disney Fan

bored at work, alex sings the mickey mouse club song hoping for backup from sean
alex: M I C…
sean: r o p h o n e?
alex: K E Y…
sean: m a s t e r?
alex: M O U S E!
sean: e r c i s e!

Sinking Feeling

while on a work-out kick
alex: I’m going to go get the weights out of the shed in back.
stevem: Why, is it getting too heavy?

Snails Take it Slow

sean:… then a snail spoke to me in latin. then i wet myself. then the story ended. did the snail speak to you too
alex: he’s speaking to me right now. he says you were a good lay.
tobin: wow, he really puts the “go” in escargot!

Or Harlots

ive got 4 or 5 girls that want to play. the only stipulation is that they are to be referred to as my harem.

– steve

Ba-Bad

while playing super mario brothers 3
alex: a ba-bomb! *grabs ba-bomb*. let’s go, ba-bomb!
*alex dies holding a ba-bomb*
billy: you ba-blew it!
all: *painful groan*
billy: oooo ba-billy…

Tripping on Turkey

(theorizing on why Sean had a strange hallucination the morning before)

JennH: You must have eaten something bad.
Sean: i figured that i was either hallucinating or i had become a very powerful warlock in my sleep
JennH: Like week old milk or something.
Sean: no dairy products either, although i had fast food for dinner i think
JennH: That could probably do it.
JennH: Maybe it’s madcow disease in your hamburgers
Sean: it was chicken. you beef eaters can have your crazy cows
JennH: laughs
Sean: i’d rather have my hallucinogenic chicken, thank you very much

Why Beat Them Though

sean: we’re good.
alex: TOO good.
sean: if we were any gooder, we’d have to beat the women off with a stick. and i don’t mean ‘that’ stick.

He Never Wears Pants

alex: some like it hot but some sweat when the heat is on.
tobin: some like it cold but some shiver when their pants are gone.

Fat and Wooden?

(also from the little yellow sheet at Jen’s b’day.)

(Tobin’s seemed inable to come up with something funny for the sheet. So someone wrote a theory about why that was the case..)

Tobin’s got writer’s cock.

childish, yes, but it’s even funnier because someone thought this phrase important enough to write it on the same sheet twice.

No Maps Though

(from the little yellow sheet at Jen’s b’day.)

(in regards to Gabe’s much maligned major)

So, if a geography major gets lost, does he get kicked out of the major? –sean

No, they just give him a rock hammer and call it close enough. –anon

K-Y Ad

(After a commercial for K-Y Jelly.)

Jen: K-Y Jelly, for when you just don’t do it for her.

Alex: But still want her to do it for you.

Poo

sean: something should happen tonight
alex: your words reach deep and question the very fabric of our frustrating miniature human existance
sean: you coulda said poo
alex: and now i wish i had
sean: but you didn’t and poo still came out