(discussing sean’s living arrangements) sean: [name redacted] would only be back for a month. she suggested rooming up for the weekdays and she’d go with her parents on the weekends. and then, next time she came back, at least one person in the main house would have moved out and she’d go in there… wow, …
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Political Actors
sean: hahahahaha. thanks to our little time travel conversation, the 11th google result for “abortion, ron silver” is the quotes page jen: “abortion, ron silver”? why would anybody be searching for that? sean: someone must be curious about ron silver’s abortion stance. next query “child labor, steven segal” jen: “equal housing rights, lou diamond phillips” …
Modern Classics
overheard in CompUSA: “What!?! You’ve never seen that movie! It’s just the greatest movie EVER MADE…next to Space Balls.”
Pussy Squared?
(overheard on campus) Woman 1: It was the cat’s meow! Woman 2: I thought it was the cat’s pajamas. Woman 1: The cat’s vagina? Woman 2: Yeah, that’s totally it.
Sequelmania
(while perusing an upcoming movie sequel site) jen: “Charlie’s Angels 3 is going to be a lot more like the TV series. And I am absolutely thrilled that my good friend John Travolta is going to have a cameo role!” jen: that screaming sound you hear is my brains exiting my skull at high velocity. …
This Job Pay Much?
topic: computer job interview questions Jen: “Uh huh, it says here that you used to intern at Bell Labs. Tell me, what do you think about head?” “Personally, I love it. Think about it all the time. Right now, in fact. So, you have two years of database experience?” and later “How do you handle …
But I Did Get Lobster
Sean: I was very excited to learn that I didn’t get crabs from that prostitute. Jen: I’m taking that out of context.
Bad Prancer
Mika: So I told them Sean had questionable breeding. Sean: Oh. Wait, what?! V: He’s not a dog Mika! Jen: You’ll never get Best In Show now Sean. I’m sorry.
Snoopy or Dumbo?
Steve: I wore pajamas last night. I have Peanuts all over my bottom.
Clerking
opening presents Dad: It plays DVDs and CDs. Tessa (reading box): It does 400…..dicks. Uh, I mean discs! Steve, Anna & Max (at once): In a row?!
Everyone is Puerto Rican
Mom: What’s the name of that movie…”Silent Runnings”? You know, that one with the Puerto Rican luge team. Jen: You mean the Jamaican bobsled team? Mom: No, it was a Puerto Rican luge. “Silent Runnings,” right? Steve: Cool Runnings. With the Jamaican bobsled team. Mom: Right, Cool Runnings.
Star Trek Nerds
While playing movie game: Sean: You’re on Brent Spiner Max: wait wait what?! Sean: You’re doing Data Bitch!!
Wiggle It
this man is sick, I don’t know him… alex: “you put your right toe bin, you put your right toe bout, you put your right toe bin, and you gently massage the anal cavity. you do the tobin toe-bin and you wiggle it about and hope that no poop comes out!” but damn, he’s funny
Temptation
[the out of context battle continues] jen: i snuck out of my bed last night and had some. jen: i was laying there thinking about how it was in the next room, so i finally gave up and got some, and then i wanted more. jen: wait, that sounded dirty.
Bourbon Tears
lopaka: Drinking makes me feel good. I should drink more often. (everyone laughs) sean: That’s why I drink every night. (everyone laughs) sean: No, really. (everyone stares at sean)
The Ron Silver Rule
[online debate. subject: Time Travel.] Jen: if watching Back to the Future taught me anything, it’s that your past and future selves cannot meet, or else you destroy the universe. Sean: i dunno. if i take Timecop as gospel (and why wouldn’t i?!), then they couldn’t fight because they’d cancel each other out and cease …
Context is King
[online conversation] Sean: if i have to listen to a sleeping man snoring while almost swallowing his own tongue, they can deal with a little rack action. Jen: i’m taking that out of context. Sean: i’m a lot filthier out of context.
Totally Innocent
[online conversation] Sean: i’d have a stupid smirk on my face the entire time. and there’s no way i’d be able to do it with either of you there. one bit of eye contact and i’d explode with laughter. Jen: i’m taking that out of context.
Cock Clock
sean: if it can’t tell time AND make your penis bigger, then what use is it?!!
Babies R Delicious
madeline: nerd sean: geek madeline: pedophile sean: baby cannibal madeline: puppy shishkababer sean: raccoon fornicator madeline: atheist sean: mormon madeline: my computer got unplugged. mike did it…christian fundamentalist. sean: always blaming others…..republican madeline: i put blame where blame is due… anti-abortion doctor-killer. sean: a likely story….televangelist madeline: bake me cookies… apartheid supporter. sean: bake your …
So Much Dork
referring to something dorky sean: i haven’t seen dork like that since junior high gym class!
And Maybe Cottage Cheese
sean: two things I hate – Hitler and yogurt!
Better than Tobasco
Steve: I’m drowning in worcestershire sauce! Jen: Delicious death. Steve: Delicious like a foxburger!
Modern Medical Science
(while discussing medical form letters letting you know if A) [ ] you’re going to die from a horrible disease or B) [ ] it’s not a tumor) alex: that’s be great if the ‘x’ that marks the box was kind of in two boxes and you weren’t sure what the diagnosis was. sean: “damnit. …
High School Teachers Tho…
(overheard outside a restaurant) Man: Nah, it won’t work out. Preschool teachers never give you a happy ending.
Safe Smoking
(overheard while eating lunch) Guy 1: I mean, you can stick a lit cigarette up your ass and nothing will happen. Guy 2: Well, you might get burned. Guy 1: Sure, but the filter should help with that.
Lotta Guppies Too
Spoken part of Cyprus Hill song: “Lotta sharks out there, lookin’ to get ahead…” Dawn: Hmmm…sharks. That’s a metaphor.
C+++++
Coworker 1: Chicks dig C++. Coworker 2: Not C, though. 1: Not C? 2: No way, man. C’s just…*shrugs*. But C++ is like, ninja shit.
No Software Either
Randall: Ok, another homeless person with a laptop? He isn’t getting my change.
Who Needs Warm
(turning a corner in the car, a few women cross the street in front of us) Brad: Moooooooo!!! Josh: Awww. Hey now. Brad: Don’t worry Josh, she’ll still be warm for another 45 minutes after you hit her with the car.