(standing in a group outside. a political operative approaches us, handing us free water with the label advertising for a local judicial candidate.) Shasta: Wait, I don’t know this guy. What if it’s evil poisoned republican water?
Author Archives: Sean
Warm Bread
lora: always nice to open up a webpage and see ‘dick bread’
Evolution Personified
(Andy traps a small moth in a glass at dinner.) (20 minutes pass) Sean: (taps glass) I think it’s dead. You killed it Andy, how does that make you feel? Andy: Um…superior?
Forgetful Much
madeline: maybe i’ll get early adult onset….um….um…. sean: Alzheimer’s? madeline: oh my god! i forgot the word for Alzheimer’s!
Princess Bride Redux
from another site: The Two Things about World Conquest: 1. Divide and Conquer. 2. Never invade Russia in the winter. from jen and sean: 3. “Never get in a land war in Asia” 4. Never challenge a Sicilian, when death is on the line. 5. “Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ….. ha! …
Now Read this FAQ
Shasta: So I was reading the cover of Network Magazine the other day.. Paka (interrupting): Wait wait! Say that again, slowly. It turns me on.
Koala
(at dinner on a cruise ship) Shasta: This kahlua cake doesn’t taste much like kahlua. Sean: I thought you said koala cake. That doesn’t seem tasty. Shasta: Aww. Poor koalas. Billy: Man, koalas will mess you up!
Dentist is your Friend
jen: dentists are scary jen: they’re like shop teachers of the mouth sean: oh great, now i’m going to imagine my dentist with a circular saw, thanx.
Just Say Mooo
madeline: c’mon sean, everyone knows that the only safe bestiality is abstinence.
Sinner Airlines
(in regards to a story about an airline pilot asking christian passengers to identify themselves so non-christians could talk to them about their faith) jen: i just read that. [mock pilot announcment] “if you’re a christian, raise your hand so non-christians can punch you in the face.” sean: “i’ll be available after the flight so …
Like a Gumby?
sean: ..and this is my suspicious yet happy face. madeline: Impressive. You’re a very complex man. sean: Yes, I have many layers. Like an onion. madeline: Well, I’m flexible..um..like an onion.
Boy & Dog
(jess talking with alex about housing possibilities in Hayward) jess: you might want to look at B street. alex: B as in boy? or D as in dog? jess: boy as in dog. alex: *laughs maniacally* jess (realizing error): *laughs* i mean B as in boy! sean (listening in, messaged to alex): my girlfriend doesn’t …
An Accurate Map
(Sean puts on a Mac OS X t-shirt that prominently displays a big blue X) Jess: Hey look, X marks the geek!
Self Cleaning
(while playing with a friend’s cats) Jess: The cats are licking their own crotches. I’m not sure whether to be grossed out or jealous.
Press X + Y Together
(while playing Metroid on the Gamecube) sean: …and this is the analyze mode. you can run around and analyze everything. andria: ooh, women are good at analyzing things. alex (chuckling): so where’s the over analyze button?
Mostly the Soft Taffy
Alex: Jen always gets scared when I pull my candy out too soon.
Coffin Stereos
(online conversation via broadcast messages) Steve: anyone else hear those sirens on campus? Sean: some power transformer blow up again or something? Jen: if you all die, I get your stereos Steve: granted Alex: i’d like to be burried with my stereo playing ‘tell me something good’ Sean: much better choice than queen’s ‘another one …
Leave it to Clean Beaver
Billy J: I learn things from tv. I learned from Leave it to Beaver that every time you shave, your hair gets thicker when it grows back. Alex: So eventually it’ll be this huuuge {forms hands in ring the size of a tennis ball}. Jess: Did the beaver shave on that show? Billy J: Well… …
Pride Worthy
Steve Y.: It’s only blackmail if you’re not proud of it.
The Burger King of England
lamont: Taco Bell has no bell demonhood: mcdonalds is not irish demonhood: or scottish even lamont: Pizza Hut is run by humans not Hutts demonhood: there is no royalty at burger king lamont: Jack in the Box and Carl’s Junior are both utterly perverse names demonhood: wendy’s doesn’t even serve wendy burgers anymore lamont: And …
Damn Dirty Hippies
Billy: That’s the creed of those damn dirty hippies: Fight the man. Fight the shower.
Holy Kernels
(while walking thru an outdoor shopping center) Popcorn Vendor (calling out): Free samples, if you’d like to taste! Tessa: Did he just say “Free samples, for Christ’s sake.” ? Max: I don’t think so. Sean:: But that’d be a unique way to sell popcorn. Invoking the name of Jesus Christ.
Looks Brassy
Alex: Hey Billy, can I take a peek at your iron monkey?
Until I Get a Camera
(while reaching for some brie at a holiday party, his arm precariously close to being burned) Alex: uh oh. I don’t think I should be cutting the cheese over these candles.
Seven Days
(most of us had recently seen the new movie ‘The Ring’) lopaka: …7 days… sean: cleaning a broom closet takes…7 days jen: dissolving a body in acid takes…7 days lopaka: 1 week is … 7 days jen: 7 hours at work feels like…7 days sean: the common cold can last…for 7 days jen: lopaka, what …
Verdana is Fish
(while discussing what font to use on ICQ) Jessica: verdana? looks like Arial. everything looks like Arial. Arial is like the chicken of fonts.
Mustard Bandwidth
(around lunchtime, in two different locations) alex: man i’m so hungry sean: so hungry you’re hungy eh. i should make me a samich alex: then feed it to me sean: my cable modem does not support the food protocol alex: stupid cox. alex: i ate a pizza over dsl the other day alex: it was …
She Screams that Everywhere
(while in Chilis, talking to an off duty waiter named Gregg. Gregg, btw, is the one that sings Happy Birthday opera style.) Avery: Oh yeah, so you like the lakers? Gregg: Yeah. (sometime later) (lakers score a basket) Avery: Woooooh. Show us your tits! (Gregg shakes his head, looks around as if to say “this …
Helps Pass The Time
Paka: What?? I’m not drunk enough to drive!
Don’t Ask Questions
tobin: i found a cuban in my mom’s underwear drawer once.