Christy (walking to her chair while talking): I’m brilliant!
{THUD}-Christy slips, missing her chair by a half mile.
Mayo?
Sean (to Wes): Can you have one meal where you don’t have mayonnaise on your face?
Ass Button?
Josh: Sean, do you personify yourself through Mr. Happy?
Sean: No….
Jennifer: Does that mean Sean has an ass button?
(A few minutes later.)
Sean:I don’t have an ass button. Mr. Happy doesn’t have an ass button.
(Pauses for thoughtful ponderance.)
Pascal Prince?
Jennifer: He wants me to solve all his problems like I’m the Fortran Fairy or something…
It’s Messy
Christy and Sean on checking out CD’s to users
Christy: Usually we take the driver’s license … First born child…
Sean: Yeeeess. I’ve seen the baby bin.
True Love
Sean: I have my slinky. I don’t need you people.
No Tutu
Sean: Mr. Happy is a naked ballerina.
[awkward pause]
Sean: What? He is…
Marketable Skills
I was adjusting my package.
{shakes her hips}
I’m so good at it! Everyone should have a skill.
-Christy
Forgotten Fourths?
Kash: You’re always last choice…
Christine: …I’m not even sloppy seconds.
Jerk Jesus
Sean: I don’t think I’ve ever made baby Jesus cry. But I’ve tried. Oh, how I’ve tried.
Time to Switch Brands
Christy: Ew! There’s hair in my private time soda!
Distraction King
Wes: Hey, if you dangle a little shiny object in front of me, I’m there.
That’s a Relief
Sean: Christy, we can never get you one of those stress relief balls because you would break it and get stress juice all over the place.
Stretched Thin
Phil: Sean, do you want to answer some Mac questions?
Sean: More than ever…
Wes: Hey, he was answering some here!
Suck All Around
Jennifer: So, you’ve spent an entire day trying to make something work, and it still sucks.
Mike: That’s my job.
I Pay Well
Josh: I’m my own bitch
It was All Consensual
Mika: It’s not like when my mom and dad had sex and my dad hacked off my mom’s arm.
Steve: Goodnight!
With Labcoats
Christy: He was kind of like lab. We experimented frequently.
All About Boob
Christine- I recognize you by the shape of your chest.
Lots of Alphabet Left
Josh (to Naseem) – What are you up to right now?
Naseem – (pause) Kash…..
Phil – You’re up to Kash?? blink blink
Sean – What does that mean?
Mike – I don’t know.. but it sounds illegal…
Marathon ‘Mousing’
Mike: Sometimes on heavy mousing days, I switch hands to give my wrist a rest.
(Sean only heard the last half of this sentence.)
Fun With Identity Theft
Debbie looking through access cards
Debbie: I just need an Asian female.
Management Skills
Sean giving SC advice to Billy
Sean: Let your consultants think you know everything. If there is something you don’t know, just say it’s broken.
War Games
Sean: (to Wess as he attacks Christy without provocation) Is this what they taught you in combat? Find the nearest girl and pick a fight? Then your self-esteem will be sky high and you’ll be ready to fight the Iraqis.
Easily Distracted
Christy: “I’m doing you… pay attention to me!”
Meat Holes
Christy: “I really wish there was meat in donuts. I really want a slab of meat and I don’t know why.”
Effective Leadership
Wes: Says who? I make the rules.
Baby Face Jokes
Andy: How long have you skiied?
Wes: Since I was 15.
Sean: So for about a year and a half?
Handy Stash
Josh: it would be nice if the other speaker worked
Sean: it’s full of heroin
Note: the speaker is actually not filled with heroin
Screw Humor
Wes: Hey, hand me the Phillips. [screwdriver]
Andy: Don’t call me Phil. You can call me Lips all you want.