(the story continues…) Jen: “Sean sat frozen in his chair and shook with terrifying fear. This, he realized was not checkmate at all, but rather checkmate and then his opponent set fire to the checkerboard and laughed maniacally, because he had turned out to be some type of maniac.” Sean: “Flashmaster Jay, who was a …
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Renowned Storytime Part 1
Sean has forwarded Jen an article (http://byneddiejingo.blogspot.com/2006/04/et-in-arcadia-ego.html). An IM conversation happens. Sean: “Renowned systems administrator Sean sat down in his second floor office. He lunged for the keyboard, because lunging is a much better word then ‘reached’.” Jen: “At the sound of a tapping in the doorway Sean froze and whirled around in his chair, …
Quick or Easy To Please?
(While Alex and Billy are getting ready to go out.) Alex: I really love blowjobs. Billy (sultry): Close the door. Alex (to everyone waiting in the hall): I’ll be 30 seconds. {the door closes}
But they have Fries
:While Sitting in line at the drive-thru: “I hate that I want penis”- Sarah “They stopped serving that at ten”-Max
Crispy Death Treats
::While Discussing talking food the conversation turned to Snap Crackle and Pop:: “Its hard to eat a breakfast cereal when its in its death throes”
Barometer Band
Humidity, on the other hand, has no opinion of rubberbands.
Porn War III
Sean: Nobody watches German films…only perverts.
Surprise Sex
Vy: You know. It’s like when you wake up, and your butt hurts, and you don’t know why.
Moisturized Sea Creatures
jen: giant squid used up all my jergens! sean: i tried to tell you! they’re totally selfish jen: it’s because of giant squid that i buy jergens to keep on my desk, and my own good lotion to keep in my desk. sean: smart.
New Challenger – Gremlins
Alien vs Predator Game hits a snag in the retelling Jen: I feel bad that gremlins got cut. maybe we SHOULD take out terminator. Wait – I know how to resolve this. Gremlins vs. Terminator! Sean: That’d take a shitload of gremlins. Jen: Fine, fine: A Shitload of Gremlins vs The Original Terminator! Sean: They’d …
Alien Vs. Everyone
Alien Vs. Predator – The Game! jen: here are the rules: somebody offers up somebody or something to fight against Alien. the other person decides the winner. jen: I’ll start: Alien versus Sasquatch! sean: oooh, tough one. as long as the alien didn’t get the drop on sassy, i think he could crush the alien …
Emoticon Breakdown
Phil S.: -6 Phil S.: wtf!? Phil S.: i mant Phil S.: :! Phil S.: omg! Phil S.: i can’t even smilie tonight Sean: you’re defective
What Happens on the Cruise Stays…
(Christine debates whether or not to go on a cruise.) Christine: I need a cabin-mate. Shasta: I’ll get Vince to go. Christine: Ok, but if I’m changing, he has to go into the bathroom. If he sees boob then I’m never going back to work again.
Awesome Scavenger Hunt
{when asked what she was doing wandering the halls} Ellie: they were all on the phone. and i was bored. so i stole a giraffe.
Share the Musical Pain
{while discussing a concert put on by a local radio station} Jen: “coming up next, another reminder why you’re not going to buy a ticket to Winter Roundup! our new emo band, Peanut Butter Agonizing!” Sean: “but first, another track from ‘I Cut Myself’. here’s their latest, I Cry Behind My Thick Glasses.” Jen: “after …
Lambcakes?
(While playing Texas Hold-em poker) {Max turns over a 4 on the flop} Steve Y.: Damnit! That’s the meat in my pancakes. Everyone: You eat meat in your pancakes?
Bathhouse Ordering System
ruth: doesn’t a bathhouse just scream rimjobs? madeline: you gotta think if you scream “rimjob” at a bathhouse, you’ve a good chance of getting one.
Mansquitos Need Love Too
(sexy sci-fi what-ifs) sean: i need my ladies to be at least 50% pure human lady jen: well, you’re picky. jen: bisexual mosquito ladies need love too sean: her one quarter mosquito instincts might decide to exsanguinate me in bed. i can’t take that risk. jen: um….heh. are you sure? sean: ladysquitos and vampires are …
Copulating Cousins
(hick battle) Jen: they are making sweet love to their cousins down there, boy. Sean: they wouldn’t dare! Jen: they bring them flowers and candies and hope they get to cousin third base Sean: they’re a blue drop in a sea of red. they’ve got to set examples Jen: which they always do, cause those …
Vagina Hubris
sean: the new trend seems to be viagra emails with random text from LOTR inserted at the end jen: so eventually you’ll have the whole book sean: “there are a lot more amazed vaginas in this story than i remember from the movie.” jen: “Quaking in fear, Frodo beheld the horrible spider. From behind him …
Search Queries 2006 Part 2
(it continues) sean: i found “fucking women” jen: wow. so how many of those do you get? sean: 17 this month alone jen: i think you and i need to have a talk. jen: about all these fucking women. sean: man, i wish i had a women fucking problem jen: i don’t know how to …
Search Queries 2006 Part 1
(search queries) sean: ah, here’s one of yours: cool runnings plot point jen: wait, they were searching for ANY plot point? sean: yup. and THREE people searched for that so far this month jen: fucking awesome! you don’t know what # you were, by any chance? sean: shows up as #2 on mine sean: only …
Ron Silver Abortion
jen: I wonder if there’s any way we can ensure that we stay on top of the Ron Silver Abortion game. jen: which would be an awesome, yet deeply disturbing, home game. jen: the object of the game is to not roll Ron Silver. sean: the packaging would be….outstanding sean: “i rolled an abortion! i …
Spanktastic
Ryan: If it involves paddles, I’m in.
Wild Drinks
jen: there are no bad batches of margaritas. only batches of margaritas that haven’t been tamed yet!
Taking it for the Team
Jen: I am the You of this campus right now. Sean: An enviable position to be sure. Jen: It’s okay, but I can’t get used to all this bending over. Sean: You get used to it eventually. I mean…hey!
Lord Piñata
sean: i’m eating easter candy. does that make me a bad jew? jen: you can’t eat the candy if you’ve killed our Lord. jen: unless, while he was being crucified, he was stuck with a spear and candy fell out sean: oooh. our lord the piñata. the holy grail was actually a candy bowl! jen: …
Myspace’s New Motto
(while walking to the liquor store before Jason’s band plays nearby) Sean: I’m glad I found out about this. Ha, MySpace, bringing people together. Jason: Yeah, it’s not the usual: Bringing together child molesters and 12 year old girls. Woman walks out of the store, giving Jason a disgusted look. Jason (apologetic): Um, no I …
It’s Always Complicated With Clowns
(discussing sean’s living arrangements) sean: [name redacted] would only be back for a month. she suggested rooming up for the weekdays and she’d go with her parents on the weekends. and then, next time she came back, at least one person in the main house would have moved out and she’d go in there… wow, …
Political Actors
sean: hahahahaha. thanks to our little time travel conversation, the 11th google result for “abortion, ron silver” is the quotes page jen: “abortion, ron silver”? why would anybody be searching for that? sean: someone must be curious about ron silver’s abortion stance. next query “child labor, steven segal” jen: “equal housing rights, lou diamond phillips” …